Dogs. So great.

So, on a normal summer day, my brother-in-law is grilling away.

Look closer.

Haha, is Walter awesome, or what?  He's about to lose it over the smell of those burgers!

A Poop Post {consider your self warned}

It's almost Monday, which means I need a reason to laugh or else I'll cry (JK). 

Therefore:


via

Is that not the funniest thing? 

And a story.

My sister, G, apparently always suspects that there is something bad in toilets that have the lid down when she enters the bathroom.  And, she said, most of the time, she's right.  So, she goes through this big "bracing herself" thing, trying to prepare for whatever evils she will presently encounter.  

She was telling us this on Thanksgiving (our very young cousin was visiting, young like 3 years old, and this had just happened to G.  And by this, I mean opening a toilet to a not-so-pleasant surprise, which she fully expected), and her husband goes, "well, why don't you just always flush the toilet before you open it?" 

The heavens parted and lightning struck G in the head.  Why hadn't she ever thought of that?!  It was so funny, because it was so obvious.  G has gone her whole life with this rather revolting problem and no solution.  

Anyway, it made me laugh!

My Civic Duty

I early-voted last week. Felt pretty good about it. It was freaking cold and windy and I stood in a loooong line outside waiting to get into the fire station where the polling booths were.
After I voted, I walked out, humming "Hail to the Chief." In my head, though, were the words from this old movie, "My Fellow Americans." Just over and over.
I don't even remember this movie. But, I have always remembered James Garner's version of the song and will probably never hear it without thinking of these lyrics! Crazy what the mind retains! I can't remember birthdays, my SAT score, or even what I had for breakfast yesterday. Maybe what I DO remember is in direct correlation with its awesomeness. Which would make sense, in this example!

Whilst shopping for a b-day card for my Granny...

I saw THIS card!

If that's not hilarious, I don't know what is!  Happy Sunday!

Blog resurrection

So, I have really let this blog go.  Kind of like I let my waistline go, and I let my dreams of being a jazz singer go.  I let my plans of becoming a minimalist go.  I let my standard of having a clean, not-ghetto car go.

Anyway.  I gotta write it again.  Because I realize that I'm just too funny to not write it.  There, I said it.  Sorry, but there's one thing I do know: I'm the funniest person I know.  I'm not the most svelte persone I know.  I'm not the richest person I know.  But dang it if I'm not hilarious.  And smart.  And pretty cute...

Anyway.  Getting off-track.  I want to begin my return to GB? with a little story.

I was at the store the other day and I saw something that I WISH I had been able to take a picture of (I didn't have my phone on me): a girl wearing LITERAL BOY SHORT PANTIES as pants.  In the store.  With a tee-shirt tucked in.

Guys think "boy shorts" are boxer shorts.  No, they are wide-sided panties that go up your bum and show actual cheek.  Kind of like this:

via

{You've seen the beach volleyball girls in them, and they call them 'buns,' which is ironic, because they barely cover their buns.} 

And, yes, I saw cheek.  Oh, my gosh!  It was a FMOTW miracle!  It was about the funniest/most terrible thing I have ever seen someone in in public.  Kind of like those Wal-Mart websites with pics of what people wear in Wal-Mart {I assure you, I WAS NOT in hillbilly Wal-Mart}.

Now, maybe she's no scholar of the english language, but I need to point out that the two small letters "IE" make pants and panties quite different.  They are in fact, about as different as night and day.  Don't discount the importance of letters.  Sometimes they matter.

Now, let me go a step meaner and say that the girl in the panties wasn't exactly... Well, let's just say EVEN if you look like Giselle, you can't and shouldn't wear panties as pants.  And she definitely was no Giselle.  It was akin to if I wore panties in public, and believe me, I wouldn't. I am aware of my body, its lumps and well-placed cellulite.  The only person seeing me in my panties is my next husband, and by then, it's too late to back out.  He's just gonna have to love my thighs and flat bum as much as he loves me. 

This girl literally looked like she just forgot her pants.  But, she was WITH someone.  Which begs the question, WHY didn't he say, 'honey, I think you forgot your pants.'  He looked a little rough around the edges himself, but he was, at least, fully clothed.

I almost told her "I think {store name} requires pants."  I mean, no shirts, no shoes?  NO PANTS, NO SERVICE.

As my dear, sweet Dad would have said, "somebody lied to her."

New blogs, people!

Hey! Check out my NEW blogs & follow them {if you please}! I am super-excited about them!

http://www.laconceptiondesfemmes.blogspot.com/ {LCDF} is a collaboration between my two fabulous friends, Kerry & Isabel, and me! It's basically fashion, home decorating, and things in that vein. What's cool about it is that you get three different, yet fabulous styles in one spot!

http://www.glamourbug.blogspot.com/ is my project. I am trying to get a personal stylist/home decorating business, Glamourbug, started! At this point, it is mainly just my posts from LCDF all in one spot, to showcase my personal style! :)

I hope you follow & leave comments! Thanks!

:) M

"The Bachelor," a revelation

I am embarrassed to admit I watched "The Bachelor."  It's just because my sister, friend and I sit around and make funny comments the whole time and just laugh until our stomachs hurt. 

Anway, here comes a pretty snarky comment.  It will seem really mean to anyone who didn't watch the show, because you won't understand why it's okay to make fun of this girl.  But it is.  Because she's crazy and mean and for some reason, strikes me as the type of person who will later be discovered to have dead people chopped up in her freezer.  Like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining."

Now I have totally rationalized this.  To myself.

The guy from "The Nightmare Before Christmas" just bears a striking resemblance.  Especially if you are familiar with her upper lip. 

"Lady" Gaga

I think I've written about this before, but who else thinks Lady Gaga might ACTUALLY be an incarnation of the devil???

Aaawwww!

Click the title of this post to see a sweet video about a sweet puppy!!

Two little stories:

1. I went to church and sat with my friend Nicole's sister and her family. When I sat down, her cute little nephew looked up at me, and very sincerely, asked, "are you an aunt?"
2. Yesterday, I was at the Texas Exes (University of Texas Alum) golf tourney. I was in my little golf cart, going down the cart path, and came around the corner to discover one of the golfer guys peeing in a water hazard. Luckily, he was facing away from me. Anyway, his co-golfer started laughing, and was like, "timing is everything in life!" True, sir. Very true.

I feel like singing...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-- stop! Hammer time... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh-oh.

Hmm...

I wonder if Meat Loaf ever regrets his choice of stage names.
What if he stopped liking meatloaf, after having really loved it when he was young, because you just know he can't go to dinner anywhere without being served an obligatory meatloaf? How many meatloafs must Meat Loaf have consumed in his life? I'm betting on thousands.

Hefty Tall Kitchen Bags "Stinky" 2009 TV Commercial

I can't stand this woman. Man these are the most annoying commercials. Hows about stop complaining and take the trash out yourself, you lazy broad? I mean, really, she could have taken it out and been back again in the time she stood there making faces and ordering her poor fake husband around.

I rock!

So, today I ran my 2 miles. You know I'm training for the White Rock Lake half-marathon in December. And that I am NO RUNNER.
Anywho. Started training a couple of weeks ago. Went from running ZERO to running 4-5 days/week. My point is, today was my second 2-mile run, and not only did I run the whole thing without stopping or slowing down (which I have forced myself to do each time, but usually it's 1.5 miles, and I am struggling), but it actually didn't hurt! It was like, kind of easy and natural. Of course, I had a couple of moments of "ugg!" but I never felt like I wanted to stop or I might die. I hit that mythical place where running no longer hurts! This has only happened one other time in my life, and before that, I always thought it was an urban legend.
My point is, I'm proud of myself. I am becoming a real runner. Never thought I'd see the day :)

I am starting a petition

I think we need more national holidays. Like, at least one per month. Paid holidays. I don't think they have created a new one in my whole life. That's a long time to not make any new holidays, don' t ya think?