You kiss yo' momma with that mouth?!

I once "dated" (and I use that term very loosely) a guy who had gross breath. Once, I was tempted to use his toothpaste. I opened the medicine cabinet, and what to my wandering eye should appear but his (dry heave) yellow toothbrush, complete with (dry heave) food bits.
Suddenly, aside from literally gagging, things about the "relationship" started snapping into place in my mind. His terrible breath, his general half-assedness. Because, if you can't be bothered to brush properly, perhaps you are a half-asser*. (An aside: I'm not saying the toothbrush is what ended our "relationship," but... yeah, maybe it did. Of course, he got the "it's not me, it's him." Yeah, I realize that is backwards. But, when ending a not-relationship*, sometimes it's nice to go out on a high comedic note, don't ya think? ;) But that's a whole different post. Back to teeth.)
Now, other indicators aside, at least he didn't have cakey* teeth. This is what I call them. You know them, those teeth that look like they have rarely been brushed, and never flossed. Never. They are cakey. The perfectly nasty term to describe the perfectly nasty teeth.
(I mean, he had least obviously used his (dry heave) toothbrush. And used it, and used it, and used it, for what I can only assume was years. That build-up on there was definitely not the by-product of under-use. But, how 'bout a good rinse out? Or better yet, a shiny new toothbrush? They're only a couple of bucks... I'll even pick one up for you while I'm out Christmas shopping. Mail it to you with a bright red bow and a card that reads "Merry Christmas. I am giving you the gift of health. And good breath. Hope your new wife enjoys it. That is, if she hasn't taken to sleeping on the couch to avoid your night-breath, which is even worse than your day-breath.") That was mean.
Having kissed bad-breath-boy, knowing how traumatic that was, I cannot imagine (nor need I, as I will never find myself in the situation) kissing someone with cakey teeth. But people do it. How? That will forever remain a mystery.
A friend suggested that these cakey-teeth-people are probably introverts, who don't care much about appearance...
Although I agree that certainly, they do not care about appearance, may I submit that the appearance of cakey teeth is just a symptom of a much greater problem: bad oral hygiene. And there is no excuse. (Dude, if I can smell your mouth when your are four feet away from me, we got a problem... A big one.)
In a world of chaos and tumult, there is at least one thing we have control over. One thing we can quickly nip in the bud. While our nation turns to socialism, our soldiers fight overseas, our homes are foreclosed on, our ears are subjected to Jessica Simpson's country efforts, and our eyes to Nicolas Cage's "acting"... We can always control the level of our personal hygiene. Let us stand together and wage a war against the "ick" factor... and gingivitis. We can do it, people.
In the words of a forty-year-old actress cast as a high school misfit in "Grease:"
"brusha, brusha, brusha!"

*This is a new term. I claim rights to it like Paris Hilton claims "hot." Any copying, use, or reproduction of this term without the written legal consent of yours truely will result in massive fines (in the form of new pairs of Michael Kors shoes) and public ridicule.