Sunday, September 30, 2012

Blog resurrection

So, I have really let this blog go.  Kind of like I let my waistline go, and I let my dreams of being a jazz singer go.  I let my plans of becoming a minimalist go.  I let my standard of having a clean, not-ghetto car go.

Anyway.  I gotta write it again.  Because I realize that I'm just too funny to not write it.  There, I said it.  Sorry, but there's one thing I do know: I'm the funniest person I know.  I'm not the most svelte persone I know.  I'm not the richest person I know.  But dang it if I'm not hilarious.  And smart.  And pretty cute...

Anyway.  Getting off-track.  I want to begin my return to GB? with a little story.

I was at the store the other day and I saw something that I WISH I had been able to take a picture of (I didn't have my phone on me): a girl wearing LITERAL BOY SHORT PANTIES as pants.  In the store.  With a tee-shirt tucked in.
Guys think "boy shorts" are boxer shorts.  No, they are wide-sided panties that go up your bum and show actual cheek.  Kind of like this:
{You've seen the beach volleyball girls in them, and they call them 'buns,' which is ironic, because they barely cover their buns.} 

And, yes, I saw cheek.  Oh, my gosh!  It was a FMOTW miracle!  It was about the funniest/most terrible thing I have ever seen someone in in public.  Kind of like those Wal-Mart websites with pics of what people wear in Wal-Mart {I assure you, I WAS NOT in hillbilly Wal-Mart}.

Now, maybe she's no scholar of the english language, but I need to point out that the two small letters "IE" make pants and panties quite different.  They are in fact, about as different as night and day.  Don't discount the importance of letters.  Sometimes they matter.

Now, let me go a step meaner and say that the girl in the panties wasn't exactly... Well, let's just say EVEN if you look like Giselle, you can't and shouldn't wear panties as pants.  And she definitely was no Giselle.  It was akin to if I wore panties in public, and believe me, I wouldn't. I am aware of my body, its lumps and well-placed cellulite.  The only person seeing me in my panties is my next husband, and by then, it's too late to back out.  He's just gonna have to love my thighs and flat bum as much as he loves me. 

This girl literally looked like she just forgot her pants.  But, she was WITH someone.  Which begs the question, WHY didn't he say, 'honey, I think you forgot your pants.'  He looked a little rough around the edges himself, but he was, at least, fully clothed.

I almost told her "I think {store name} requires pants."  I mean, no shirts, no shoes?  NO PANTS, NO SERVICE.

As my dear, sweet Dad would have said, "somebody lied to her."

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