Theory time, which is similar to 'Hammer time,' without those unflattering pants

It is embarrassing and dorky to get out of your air-conditioned car into the warm-but-not-even-hot* Texas summer and have your seeing-eye-glasses fog over. Which brings me to theory #1:

1. *I believe we (or maybe just I?) have entered bizarro-world. You know, where everything is opposite? Seinfeld talks about it, but I think it is actually a Super-man thing. Whatever. We are in it. I believe the following evidences support this theory:

• Texas has had a summer that is unlike any I have ever seen here. Today, it was in the low 80s. It is almost August. This does not happen. We have had several days of not just unseasonably, but freakishly cool weather. Nights where you can drive with windows down. Bizarro. World. Hey, global-warming people, take a look at this! (Although I realize you are changing it to "global climate change," [so that you can have a broad cover-all] which, if I'm not mistaken, has actually been called something else for some time: w e a t h e r)
• I am purging my stuff. Getting rid of tons of crap I have been storing for 10 years. I am going to be a minimalist. For real. That's just not normal.
• My man situation is also abnormal. Dating someone I actually like? Unheard of. Sorry, old boyfriends. You're welcome, new guy :)
• I have a phone that is not technologically out-of-date. Yeah. Finally got a blackberry! Yay! Yeah, I know the iPhone id hipper, but I just can't text on those things!
• I can't really sleep in anymore. You have to realize, sleeping in has been the foundation of my days-off lifestyle (and in college, days I had classes I could miss) for most of my adult life. Now, I am lucky to sleep until 9. Of course, unless I am up all night long or am sick. These things, combined with a healthy dose of the NyQuil or Tylenol pm, sometimes facilitate a later sleep-in.

2. Gay guys look so good because guys are so visual, and they, as guys themselves, know this. So, they cater to this tendency so that they can get other gay guys. Which can be a trick, because some of us women are pretty visual too. And we end up flirting with good-looking gay guys. Which can lead to some pretty embarrassing situations.

3. "The empathy theory:" (I cannot claim this theory, except that I have been talking about it lately, and I named it.) People cheat with each other not because they are attracted to each other so much as that they can empathize with each other. And they get into this pattern of doing that until they finally get involved physically and emotionally.

4. Coke slurpees are totally okay every now and then. They help take the edge off of the no-sodas-whatsoever pact. I know, maybe I am cheating a little. But I rarely have them, and they aren't carbonated, which was kind of my rule. No carbonation. And delicious.

Alice in Wonderland

Okay, umm... YAY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtjrlMKDCwY
Once again, foiled by youtube. But, you need to watch this. I have always loved Alice in Wonderland. So, I am stoked. And this looks amazing.
As a girl who, at age 3, wanted her mom to name her future baby sister "Allison Wonderland Holman," I think I'll be seeing this... Maybe.

Youtube is doing crappy things to me...

It won't let me put videos on my blog. But here you go:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JScv8N91FGw&feature=player_profilepage
I fully jumped when I saw this. And then, they played another one right after, I knew what was going to happen, and I jumped higher than the first time! I couldn't find that one... Totally good, though.

Huh?

This is the pic from an ad on facebook for fashion school, or something... I can't really see it. But, it doesn't make me think fashion, for some reason. First of all, is there a parrott on her shoulder?
Looks more like an ad for voodoo school. Like, where they teach you to give people shrunken heads and stuff. Cause does she have one? I think so...
I'm so perplexed.

This girl already bugs me...

Elizabeth Banks. Annoying. I don't know why. She just bugs me. As does this:

And yet, it rang so familiar, I knew I'd seen it before... Oh, right: Perhaps she is taking her cues from the refreshingly crazy/wonderful Sharon Stone? I hope next time she does this one: The girls at GFY hate it, but I personally think she looks freaking amazing. Furs are great. I love animals, but I love to wear them more. (Except puppies, of course. I'm no Cruella Deville.)

Oh, Anthro...

You have outdone yourself... I am DYING for the outfit on the left. Dying. It will be mine. Promise.

Food for thought

What do you think your chances are of going to heaven if the last thing out of your mouth before you die is the grown-up version of "mutha eff!"?
Because I was thinking that, for me, this is a very real possibility.
I was thinking about dying in a car accident on my drive home today. Sounds morbid, but it was because of all the hideous driving around me. And, I figured, in my last moment, seeing the car that is about to kill me speeding my way, that is probably what will fly from my mouth.
So, how good do you think one has to be to override that kind of last moment? Like, Mother Teresa good? Gordon B Hinkley good? Or just, like, regular human who is pretty good good?
I think I may be in trouble.

Just for Jared...

They're rubber waffles. Only less appetizing.

What the heck is the deal?

Vibrating mascara.

Does really anything seem like a worse idea?

"Hmm... I'm looking for a way to make poking my eye out more of a possibility... Oh, look! Here, I'll get this."

I mean, I can't think of anywhere on my body that I would less prefer to have something vibrate.

List

A) What is it on my blog that prompts ads like this:
Federal Criminal Defense
Federal Drug & Sex Crimes Law Office of Correa & Featherston ?!?
I didn't know I appealed so much to the criminal type... or at least that my blog does. I guess I know I do, personally, and I can validate that statement with a little quip I like to call "Maigen gets an ex-con boyfriend on a cross-country Greyhound trip while attending BYU." Umm, yeah, that actually happened. Years ago, though. Still funny.

B) I've lost 7 more pounds! Yipee! I am now back to my natural "fat weight." You know, the place I always stayed at without trying before I hit 29 years old and my metabolism came to a screeching halt, unfortunately during the time I was on campus in the video-editing suites for 12 hours a day, eating junk and never, ever working out. Well, finally back down. Still got a bunch to go, but things are looking good!

C) Had an awesome 4th of July weekend... But, really, how can it be blasted Monday already? Dude, no.

D) I have to go to bed, but instead I am writing this. The end.