Theory time, which is similar to 'Hammer time,' without those unflattering pants

It is embarrassing and dorky to get out of your air-conditioned car into the warm-but-not-even-hot* Texas summer and have your seeing-eye-glasses fog over. Which brings me to theory #1:

1. *I believe we (or maybe just I?) have entered bizarro-world. You know, where everything is opposite? Seinfeld talks about it, but I think it is actually a Super-man thing. Whatever. We are in it. I believe the following evidences support this theory:

• Texas has had a summer that is unlike any I have ever seen here. Today, it was in the low 80s. It is almost August. This does not happen. We have had several days of not just unseasonably, but freakishly cool weather. Nights where you can drive with windows down. Bizarro. World. Hey, global-warming people, take a look at this! (Although I realize you are changing it to "global climate change," [so that you can have a broad cover-all] which, if I'm not mistaken, has actually been called something else for some time: w e a t h e r)
• I am purging my stuff. Getting rid of tons of crap I have been storing for 10 years. I am going to be a minimalist. For real. That's just not normal.
• My man situation is also abnormal. Dating someone I actually like? Unheard of. Sorry, old boyfriends. You're welcome, new guy :)
• I have a phone that is not technologically out-of-date. Yeah. Finally got a blackberry! Yay! Yeah, I know the iPhone id hipper, but I just can't text on those things!
• I can't really sleep in anymore. You have to realize, sleeping in has been the foundation of my days-off lifestyle (and in college, days I had classes I could miss) for most of my adult life. Now, I am lucky to sleep until 9. Of course, unless I am up all night long or am sick. These things, combined with a healthy dose of the NyQuil or Tylenol pm, sometimes facilitate a later sleep-in.

2. Gay guys look so good because guys are so visual, and they, as guys themselves, know this. So, they cater to this tendency so that they can get other gay guys. Which can be a trick, because some of us women are pretty visual too. And we end up flirting with good-looking gay guys. Which can lead to some pretty embarrassing situations.

3. "The empathy theory:" (I cannot claim this theory, except that I have been talking about it lately, and I named it.) People cheat with each other not because they are attracted to each other so much as that they can empathize with each other. And they get into this pattern of doing that until they finally get involved physically and emotionally.

4. Coke slurpees are totally okay every now and then. They help take the edge off of the no-sodas-whatsoever pact. I know, maybe I am cheating a little. But I rarely have them, and they aren't carbonated, which was kind of my rule. No carbonation. And delicious.