The heat!

Okay, so I realized something awesome about how hideously hot it is in Texas. It actually works for me. You know why? Because, unless there is a pool or lake involved, no one expects you to do anything outside. Ever.
Which means I'm not getting any grief about not going hiking or rock climbing. No one is hassling me to go mountain biking. Because these things are actually not possible. 1) We have no mountains, or hills & 2) you can actually die out there.
So, the moral of the story is, if you are an indoorsy girl, who doesn't like being considered a loser for not wanting to participate in these types of activities (as I often was in Utah), and you like to shop, eat amazing food, go to films and museums and live music, Dallas might just be the right place for you. Even if you hate, HATE the heat. Because you are inside most of the time anyway.
I am done.

What a sad day.

Great music.
Great hair.

I'm sad. Also, Ed Mc Mahon died yesterday. Gosh, crappy week.

These weird me out...

What's with all these stand-up comedy format commercials lately? Is it the same thing as reality tv? The comedians are cheaper than paying actors? Or do they really think these are super-clever, and like, the wave of the future? I hope not. They are NO BUENO!

See the three posts below! LAME!

(PS: Yeah, I don't know how to put these all in one post... I've looked at trying to do it before, but it seems like a lot of work. So, uh, sorry. It's just not as pretty this way. Feel free to teach me. For free.)

About periods...

On TBS...

About a car...

It's hot and I'm dying.

Dallas is perfect. Aside from the overwhelming, soul-crushing, heart-breaking heat. I mean, I'm not gonna make it. I think I'm actually going to have to leave Texas. Again. (Vote on my new location to the right). Probably not until the fall, though. Which means, I will have to live through the heinous summer. Boo. Hiss. Ick.

Other random things I don't like:
1. The phrase "hot mess." Dude. Terrible.
2. How on tv, couples always sleep in a queen-sized bed. I am SO gonna need more space than that, for my sprawling tendencies. Plus, snuggling is good, some of the time. But, it makes me hot.

Random things I do like:
1. Lemon/lime or cucumber water. Never liked lemon water before, but now that I'm off soda (since May 17th!), I had to try something else again.
2. High heels! Oh, man. I gave in to the whole flats/flat sandals phenom. In fact, I gave in so much that I wasn't wearing heels very much anymore, just on dates (and even then, not always... I know, ICK!) and to church. But, I wore them on Friday night, and it was like heaven! Heels are home, baby. I had been forsaking the true me and had given in to comfort and trends instead of adhering to my high-heels-at-all-times-except-for-work rule. I'm not saying I won't wear flats, but I'm just saying, I remembered who I am! Yay! Heels! Love ya! Welcome back, Maigen!

I'm smarter than your average criminal.

Apparently, the new big thing amongst crooks, thieves, men who don't treat me well and the like is to go to a Texas Rangers' game (or something like that), break into cars with GPS systems, hit 'home' and go rob you. Kind of smart. They know you won't be there for like 5 hours. They probably have your garage-door opener.
I was thinking about getting a GPS, actually. Only, instead of my address in the 'home' spot, I'm going to put in the address to my closest police station. Eat THAT, common criminals!
(PS: does this criminal-guy's bag up here say "swag?" Or is it something I'm not figuring out? Like, he's stealing someone's swag? That's one trendy, rapper of a robber.)

Flizzle Tizzle

I noticed the past couple of days that my tire looked kind of flat, perhaps having something to do with the fact that I ran off the drop-off side of a country road and jacked that b up.

Anywho. So, yesterday, against my natural inclination NOT to sweat my butt off in the heinous 100 degrees, and NOT to get all greasy and dirty in the dress I wore to work, I decided I could not drive the 45 minutes to my writers' group on that pretty flat-looking tire. So, I went to a gas station and paid $1.25 FOR AIR. I put air in all my tires. My car feels totally different now. Perhaps because each tire was supposed to have 44 PSI (pressure/square inch, I believe), and that flat tire... wait for it... was. at. five.

You may already know this, but

Today I chipped my tooth, on a skittle. Dang it. It's like I thought the skittle was in between my back teeth, and for some reason chomped down on it really hard, only it wasn't there. Yep, my third from center bottom tooth got crunched, and a wee teeny chip came off. I didn't even notice until a minute later, when I ran my tongue over the newly razor-sharp peak. It was a very Springer Monday. I have to wait until next Thursday to get it fixed. Hope nobody wants to french before then, I may cut his tongue;)

Things I have no use for in this life...

1. Short-sleeve men's dress shirts and the men that wear them
2. Temperatures higher than 80 degrees
3. Other drivers
4. Fergie
5. Iceberg lettuce
6. Closed-mouth kisses with men
7. Beets
8. The new reality show "Kendra," the person it is based on, and any and all ads that make me
aware that the show (and the girl) even exists.
9. Juicy Brand
10. Small bath-tubs

Lame-o

It's 9:17 and I think I'm going to go lie down. Like, go to bed. I'm a freakin tired old lady right now.

Dogs with human characteristics

I walked Walter and Jojo the other day. I took them down to this big field, took off their leashes. "Go run in the field! Run!" I shouted.
Jojo takes off into the field, happy to be alive. Thrilled to be a dog, in a field.
Walter takes off running down the sidewalk adjacent to the field. Yep. He's what you might call "indoorsy." He pretty much only touches grass to actually go #1 or #2 in it. We're MFEO*.

*I DO NOT go #1 or #2 or anything in any fields. What I mean is, I don't get close to nature unless it's an absolute necessity. You knew what I meant.

This may be sacrilegious. But, I'm gonna say it anyway. Because it's funny.

Driving through Dallas, I saw the "Fifth Church of Christ, Scientist."
I though it was funny because it seems like "Scientist" is the Church's first name. Like Smith, John.
Mere thought it was funny because it seems like Christ is a scientist.
I am sure it is neither. I think "Scientist" is a designation. But whatever, the other two are such better, funnier meanings. To me. Because I am already going to hell, so why not?

Mom?

My sister and I were walking up to my parent's place, and saw a person on a balcony which we thought was my parent's. Meredith was like, "is that mom?" I wasn't wearing my seeing-eye-glasses, so I was like, "yeah," and yelled, "MOM?!"
Yeah, no. It wasn't my mom. It was a dude, on the balcony next door. A big dude, smoking a cigarette and bald-headed. He was white. That was about where the similarity to my 5'2'', size zero, non-smoking mom with hair ended.
Not as funny in the re-telling. But, we were laughing so hard we cold barely walk.