Wow

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/rare-indian-tribe-spotted-in-brazil/20080530092909990001?icid=100214839x1203172522x1200123231

Check this out. Totally amazing. And kind of heart-wrenching. These people are obviously completely freaked out by the plane above. It makes me sad that they have to be imposed upon for a news story they would care nothing about. Hopefully their land can continue to be protected.

Funny insight...

Yeah, I know, I should be packing up my apartment right now, and instead I am wasting time... But somehow, some days, wasting time just feels so delicious! Today is one of those days. Is it because I only got like 2 hours of sleep last night? Or maybe because the task at hand is so monumental that I just feel impotent to accomplish it? Whatev. "I'm not training for the Olympics. So what if after a whole hour of work I want to unwind with a burger and a crack-pipe? If I do that every night, does that make me a some kind of crack-head? (He's a crack-head... he's the fattest crackhead I've ever seen...)" -Jim Gaffigan, folks. Sorry, I digress...
Anywho, I was talking to a friend of mine today, (excuse me, my phone is ringing... the 'Sex and the City' ringtone taunting me, reminding me of my SATC movie plight...sigh) who was relaying something her hilarious friend (no, not me) said:
'Wouldn't it be funny if when you meet a new guy, and are, of course, having all these little "what if?" fantasies in your head, he could read your thoughts? Because if he could, he would not only not ask you out, nay, he would not only run, he would call the police.'
Anyway, that made me laugh. And, how true? And, how sad? And, how true?

Know what's sad?

Because I am moving this weekend, I have to wait until next week to see the SATC movie! Boo! So, please, people, don't tell me anything that might spoil it if you see it first!

What the?! WHY?

Why do some people find the need to be horrible, wretched jerks to complete strangers? I mean, if I am trying to help you out (you guessed it, this is a work story), DON'T be totally rude, with no reason, and especially, especially don't use the "f" word at me. Because, guess what, sister? If you do something like that, I will for sure, FOR SURE make sure that your experience is as long and inconvenient as possible. I really will.
Oh, and one other thing, you mean little snake, I am TRULY AMAZED that you were recently married. I can only assume it was an arranged marriage. Well, either way, I feel real sorry for your husband. I mean, if you haven't already castrated him, I am sure it is only a matter of time.
The fact that you are married once again reinforces my theory that often it's the creeps, jerks, and losers who get married, leaving the cool, normal people single. (Not always, of course I know lots of nice married people, but what I'm trying to say is that for some reason, horrible people sometimes fall in love [or get arranged into marriages] and fabulous people don't. Just doesn't make any blasted sense. The awful ones should be left alone, so as to not spread their bad genes any further.)

Heavin' Cleave

Okay, okay, I know... I sometimes have a little, ahem, a lot, of cleavage. Who doesn't? Hey, I can have cleavage in a crew-neck tee-shirt. Not my fault. And, frankly, it can be dang annoying dealing with it. I can never just wear clothes off the rack, often I have to wear ugly/boring camisoles under everything to remain decent.
But, see, that's the point, I wear those ugly camisoles, icking up perfectly beautiful dresses and tops, just to avoid looking grody... Which brings me to my point (which I wanted to say out loud but only got to say in my head today):
Hey, lady, you are in public, in the middle of the day, in a store. Cover those things up! I do not need to see 3/4 of your chest. I do not want to see it. You are not in the strip club where I can only assume you work. There are children present! Think of the children!

Yay! A fabulous, however brief, visit!

I missed my Brent!

So good to see an old friend (no, Brent, I'm not implying that you're old... even though you are), even just for a few hours!

We got terribly lost in Downtown Dallas, off-roaded in his rental car in a construction zone (by accident), ate some delicious Texas bar-b-que, and took a slew of self-portrait pics in the car... Not exciting by some peoples' standards, but still pretty darn fun.

Hoorah for great friends! Tonight made me realize how much I miss all my SLC friends!

(PS: I know, my photo-cropping skills are LAME! I am not used to my new computer yet. I swear, why does it gotta be so difficult?! Oh, and this last pic, which I think is the cutest one: from his camera-phone, of course. So it ended up all faded. Boo.)

My #1 NBA crush

Last night I was really enjoying seeing my NBA boyfriend, Tim Duncan, beat the evil Lakers, but I did not see the end of the game, and apparently *sigh* he lost.
While mom and Bob maintain that he looks a lot like "Curious George," I happen to think he is totally adorable. What great puppy-dog eyes. He just looks so earnest. And, he is such a good person. You should "wikipedia" him for sure. And, of course, he's married. (As if: if he were single, I would have a real big chance...)
But, here's one: he's only like 32. For some reason he seems so much older.

Good commercial #1

I don't know why I seem to like these musical commercials lately, what with my great dislike of musical movies (in general, excluding "Once," and "White Christmas"), but I love this! Super funny!

Good commercial #2

I know, I know. It seems like I watch too much t.v. But, I have only seen this twice, and for some reason I think about it a lot. Love it. (And, yes, I do have a "Seinfeld" and "Sex and the City" re-run addiction...

Guess what?!

Today was my day off, and although I wasn't sleeping in, I would like to submit that they really are planning their yard work around my day off. Last week it was Tuesday, this week Monday. Random coincidence? I think not!
And they were using the leaf blower (here, here, Nicole!) this morning the most.

"It's mouth-watering."

This is so disturbing and gross. Is it just me, or are they insinuating that she is drinking his spit? I just gagged. Again.

Star Wars kid Drunken Jedi

I like this.

You know what I really like?

The slow, ex-agg-er-at-ed clap (say it out loud, real staccato, emphasizing each syllable, whilst doing your own 'slow, exaggerated clap') in movies.
I saw "Definitely, Maybe," and there is a slow, exaggerated clap in that movie that at first I was sure could not be serious. But it was. I just can't imagine why movie-makers are so quick to incorporate that into films. It's not like that happens all the time in real life. I have never once seen a SEC during a real moment.
Tell me if I'm wrong, or if you have ever been able to pull that off without it being sarcastic (which I have done, as a joke, before).
Even though I am wary of any SEC in a movie, I still thoroughly enjoy a good SEC. It makes me laugh, the only problem is, the timing of my laughter is always way off, and makes me look like a jerk or an idiot.
Anyway, I liked the movie, perhaps despite the SEC. It was pretty cute, for a chick flick. Ditto for "Made of Honor," although that one was waaaayyyy tooooooo looooonnnnnngggg. But, Busy Phillips is in it, and that girl cracks me up. And, they go to Scotland. And, a Scottish bloke stuffs a basketball, like, a lot. It's pretty funny. I did, of course, note the striking similarities between this and "My Best Friend's Wedding," aside from the notable absence of my old friend, who when that movie came out, I equated to the best friend (in other words, I was Julia Roberts in that movie at that time), and the lack of crying all the way home from the theater. Sigh. Did any of that make sense?
Anyway, both cute chick flicks, "Definitely, Maybe" being the better of the two.

Trauma.

I was traumatized yeaterday. A few times.
First of all, at work, I was hosting a vendor event for marketing, and a pizz lunch was provided. I had sprinkled on some of those dried peppers, and had just said something when I lifted the pizza to my mouth and inadvertently inhaled (through my mouth, don't ask how this happened). Anyway, a flake of pepper inhaled into my windpipe. From what I can tell, it never coughed out. I swear I could still feel it last night. Of all the things to go into your lung, a spicy pepper flake! Hmm... probably not the best.
Then, I was in a parking lot yesterday after work, not really looking where I was going, and accidentally kicked a water bottle, which flew across the lot in front of me, which is why I noticed that it was half-full of... pee. Really. I know guys do that. And I was wearing flip-flops. Oh, the humanity!
So, I was in that lot because I was going to a movie. During the previews of which I had to endure this commercial featuring the sometimes-sexy Harrison Ford. But, he was not sexy in this commercial, touting "Join 'Team Earth' and 'Conservation.org,'" the loss of the rainforests over there due to our carbon emmissions will get us here later... No, Harrison, those rainforests are being replaced with corn for ethanol production. Duh! You're right, though, it might have an adverse effect someday. How 'bout drilling for some oil now?
It's not that I'm against conserving, but I am just so sick of people spinning things to perpetuate their political agenda.
And, here we go, trauma #4: "27 Dresses." My sister rented it because she watched "Lars and the Real Girl," which depressed her (and is my absolute favorite movie of 2007). I've seen it before, except it was called "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." And there was one scene which I was sure was a sequel that would be called "Coyote Uglier." We watched it even though we were both done after about 5 minutes. The fun thing was making fun of every single thing about the movie.
It's okay, you can call me a 'movie snob' if you want to. I can handle it.
So, that was my traumatic day. I know, it's hard bein' me!

All beige, all the time.

Today I saw this married couple probably in their late 40s. The man was wearing this beige sweat-suit, you know, the kind with the elastic ankles?
And I thought to myself, 'I can't believe she's letting him wear that...'
And then I looked at her. And she was wearing khaki pants and a beige shirt.
Ick.
It made me think of this one time I saw a lady in head-to-toe beige (and it might be in one of my old FMOTW posts), and I got that Prodigy song, "Firestarter" in my head. Only, instead of "Psycho-somatic-addict-insane!" I was singing "Mono-chromatic-addict-insane!"
Okay, I know monochromatic is slimming, but I am pretty sure that does not apply to light colors. I don't want to look like I'm dressed in a suit made of my skin (a.k.a.: naked).
Also, back to my thought about her letting him wear that, I am totally of the belief that the man obeys the woman when it comes to fashion. I am pretty sure in my own, imaginary marriage, that is how it will play out. In fact, right now I place a moratorium* on my future man's fashion rights. Sorry, dude.

*I love that word 'moratorium,' don't you? I have used it like five times today. Radical.

This looks lame, but...

HOW FUNNY is it when she repeats the girls' names? I COULD NOT stop laughing when I saw this in the theater... I mean, I laughed FOR-EVER!

What a girl wants!

"I just realized what's been going on. I know what I've been waiting for! Myself. I've been looking for myself all these years, and now I've come along and swept myself off my feet!"
-Seinfeld
Yeah, Jerry, I feel you. Still waiting...

Insensitive? Yes. Thought provoking? Yes.

You know the world's comin' to an end when:

1. Florida's on fire
2. DC's under water
3. China's destroyed
4. Miranda looks better than everyone else

Greatness.

Lately I've been laughing about a few pictures I have where the background (or foreground) is way better than what is actually being photographed. Behold:

Georgia looks cute, but Jojo is the real action hero!
Not sure who is really in this pic. Georgia and I thought it was going to be us, Jared obviously had other ideas!

I don't remember who I was taking a picture of, but Lloyd kept leaning into my shot. So funny!

For some reason, Jana ends up being the star of this post! Here she is behind Sydney and Rachel!
And here she is with me! She is SOOO hilarious!

The irony here is that I was taking this pic to demonstrate a "fashion mistake of the week" in the window (blue dress, baseball tee), but we actually captured a girl in the back wearing panties as shorts! That's FMOTW luck for ya!

Jojo's bath interrupted by Georgia's ghost face leaning into the shot. Awesome, George!

Cute pic of Bob with baby or a pic of my mom (Thumbelina) with baby? I like that the proximity of Bob makes Mom look even tinier than she is. She looks like a miniature.

I also have a plethora of pics of Krissy in similar situations (making awesome faces, mostly) in backgrounds, and one photo of me in particular, laughing with Mitch that is invaluable, but sadly, those pics are pre-digital cameras, and so are stuck on negatives. Someday, I will put all those on c.d.'s.

Anyway, I'm off today, and had a lot to do that I didn't want to do, and instead wasted a bunch of time making this post. Have a good Tuesday!

WHAT is the deal?

If you've lived in an apartment complex, you have probably noticed that the one day you are able to sleep in during the week in the spring/summer is somehow inevitably mowing day. Why is that?
Today, a Tuesday, I was allowed to sleep in. It's not a Saturday (traditionally mowing day, at least in my family). And guess what? Mowing day.
And why is it that they seem to mow that same little patch of grass in front of my window like a hundred times? I mean, literally, they passed my window every 30 seconds. Isn't this complex big enough that you guys can go mow somewhere else in the morning?
To add insult to injury, the temperature has been lovely the past couple of days, so my bedroom window was open. I am the girl who is eternally excused from mowing the yard because I am so so allergic to cut grass. In high school I wore a surgeon's mask a few times while mowing, but even then I would be sick for days. I haven't mowed grass in years, and probably never will again.
Oh, and one more thing: it's cloudy today. Perfect sleeping-in weather. Boo.
Mowing day. It sucks.

HA ha ha ha ha ha!

This rules!

H-H-H-Happy Mothers' Day!

My mom rocks! Here she is with Bob looking like a "mafia wife!"

And here's the wildly inappropriate Mothers' Day card I gave my grandma:
Umm... Usually these guys are pretty gross, but can I get a "what what" for this hot cowboy? Hello!

Oh, no you didn't.

I don't care who you are. I don't care how great your figure is. High-waisted, pleather leggings just ain't okay. Ever.

Holy Cow

Today I saw "In Bruges," which I have wanted to see for a while. Candice, you were right about the bloodiness! But, once you know when to close your eyes, what an awesome movie. Totally sad. Totally funny. I loved it. Plus, Colin Ferrell was much more attractive than I have previously thought. And, an aside: Europeans seem to have a predisposition for using the f-word, and not only that, but they don't even act like it's a big deal. It's like any old word to be thrown in anywhere. I hate it. (Maybe that's just Europeans in the movies...)

Oh, and leaving the theater, I stepped out into a swirl of cotton blowing from the cottonwood trees like a snowstorm, and sighed as I saw the men across the street mowing the grass. It was like an allergy-themed nightmare. Unreal. Supposedly, Dallas is the #2 worst city for allergies. Amen.

Nobody's perfect...

Some things in this world I will just never be good at. Oh, well. You just gotta know your limits. I have come to terms with the fact that I will just never excel (or even be decent) at:

1. Higher-level math. Once I decided that Algebra 2 was just a piece of cake junior year, and started reading books for entertainment during class every day, and then got behind, I just never caught up. Pre-cal was lost on me. Oh, well.
2. Waiting tables. I am okay with being a terrible waitress. I only did it for 4 months, and was so bad! My bosses were always comping desserts, I spilled stuff on people, forgot to order their food, and generally got pity tips.
3. Bowling. I am terrible. It would be embarrassing, but I just don't care. Luckily, I don't base my self-esteem on my bowling skills. Tonight, I think I bowled a 42. Yep. No joke.
4. Being nice to people who are mean to my family or friends. Cross me, okay. Hurt someone I love, watch out. I will likely stab you with my Michael Kors' heels.
5. Cooking. I am working on this. But, really, so far I can make toast. Hopefully, it's not an innate disability (it may be, thank you, mom), but something I can overcome with time. I did make some amazing spaghetti sauce the other week. Hey, that's something. (Yeah, let's not publicize this to all the mo men. Could really hurt me.)
6. Driving. You might be aware of this, if you have ridden with me. Especially in the snow.

There are more things, but these ones are really stand-out faults. I think I may have written this post before, come to think of it.

7. Memory. I forget some facts, events, conversations, etc. Other things I remember freakishly well. What the dealy-o?

Don't worry, I know I'm good at lots of stuff, too. Bowling tonight just reminded me of my little list of "oh, well"'s. Here are seven "good at" things, to balance out this post, just so y'all don't get too concerned about my self-esteem:

1. Comedic timing.
2. Vocabulary.
3. Accessorizing.
4. Giving compliments.
5. Being photographed. (For the most part.)
6. Understanding human behavior.
7. Loyalty.

One more, just for good measure:

8. Organizing.

Had to end on a high note. "That's it for me! Goodnight!" (-George Costanza)

Lion loves owner...

Oh, my gosh! Have you seen this?! This lady had rescued this lion and raised it, and when it got too big, she donated him to the zoo. This is the first time she visited him. It is so, so lovely! He actually hugs her!

Meatloaf AND Tiffany? That's heaven.

Okay, so many things about this commercial make me happy. I love when the son bites his lip and jams out, I love that it's just like an old Meatloaf video, and I love that I found out that the lady is Tiffany. I mean, sweet!

Piper down! We have a piper down over here!

I was out driving on Saturday night, and I saw the best thing ever!
This guy was driving his car, smoking a pipe! Like a real, Sherlock Holmes, pipe! I have never seen that before! He was acting like it was totally normal.
Bizarre. People are so strange.

Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!

My main quote used to be: "It's shoes or it's love, and I choose shoes." -Me
I have gone through my insanely large collection of shoes, and have taken some out. They are still fabulous (mostly), but I just don't wear them. No room in the rotation. They are my "D Team," as Pauly would say. So, here they are girls, if any of them are cool enough to grace your gorgeous feet, let me know and you can have a supervised visit.
They are mostly size 8 1/2, some 9s. Get ready for my "J Peterman" worthy descriptions, too. Since I could not figure out how to truncate just this post, sorry to the rest of you who have to be subjected to my shoes. I figured I may as well make it entertaining.


A dusty aqua shoe for a horse-race attending lady, as british as they are delicious. May be worn with a wide-brimmed hat. Nine West aqua leather mule, good condition, $6


If Michael Jackson wore coral, he would always wear these strappy pumps, complete with delicate silver chains. I, however, only got to wear them once during our time together.
Baker's coral heel, worn once, $7

My only Marc Jacobs (tear), these Dr. Scholls inspired clogs feature jewel-green satin the same color as the eyes of the gorgeous australian man you spent four days with in Morocco in 1999.

Marc Jacobs wood and satin clog, some damage to wood toe, $5

An ode to 40's glam and the linen-clad, these platform canvas pumps ooze preppiness. You can play tennis and attend a luncheon in these, all the while flirting clandestinely with the gardener.

"American Eagle" canvas pump, never worn, $8

I always thought Carrie Bradshaw might wear these, on a casual day. With a yellow sundress and giant sunglasses, and a brilliantly color-streaked scarf over her hair. And, of course I love the cherries!
Report embroidered slides, worn twice, $5


The bow on my mock-croc pumps made me feel like a character in "The Great Gatsby," though ever so slightly less forlorn. And for those in the know, crocodile is to be reserved for sport and travel.

Jeffrey Campbell mock-croc and grosgrain open-toe pumps, worn twice, $10

These stern, yet supple square-toed slingbacks are perfect for a hot librarian before, or after, she takes her hair out of the proverbial bun.

Nine West leather sling-backs, worn once, $8

Pink and kahki intertwine in a casual, sporty tenny. Perfect for the jungles of Burma, or any old day when comfort is a must. Must love dogs.

Rocket Dog tennies, worn several times (hey, they are comfy!), $4

A refreshing perk of the dorothy-inspired pumps is that they jingled, merrily, making her feel somewhat like a pirate when she walked.

Jeffrey Campbell red patent pumps, worn a few times (a couple of scuffs), $6

Pink and black, how very eighties! Molly Ringwold wishes.

Rocket Dog black and grey sneakers with pink, worn a handful of times, $8

The rounded toe and flat heel made me feel young again! In fact, I found myself strangely drawn to the playground, and rode the merry-go-round for an hour!

Rampage flats, moss green, worn a few times, $5

If she were in Catmandu again, she would don these aqua seqin thongs. Being in Greenland, however, the sight of the flip-flops made her very nostalgic indeed. She sighed over her hot chocolate, blowing a momentary frost onto the window.

Old Navy flip-flops, leather with sequins, never worn, $4

She turned around and bumped strait into Jon Bon, who smiled and asked if she had been the recipient of any good serenades lately. He then dedicated to her a new power ballad he called "Josie."

Gianni Bini hot pink heels, criss-cross front, zipper back, worn several times, but don't have damage, $5

Metallic green mary janes remind me of being caught in the rain. No, make that acid rain.

Dollhouse kitten heels, worn thrice, $10

When she asked if she could have them, I admonished, "no, Avril, no! Remember? I told you, you can only dress skater-y every once in a while if you're going to be taken seriously as an artist."

Vans white and kelly green sneakers, worn a few times, $8

Roman? Yes. From a totally lame store? Yes. Incredibly sexy on real feet (i.e.: mine, or, ahem, yours)? Heck yes.
Wet Seal brown gladiator sandals, worn a couple times, $5

You will think I am lying, but I swear I have gotten an alarming amount of male compliments on these shoes. My Michael Kors? They couldn't care less. Go figure.

Guess slides, fabric and leather, comfy, worn several times, but still pretty cute, $5

Remind me to tell you the story of the girl who was in so much pain from shopping in four-inch heels that she bought, and wore these Diesels with a little black dress. In public. And yes, somehow one is a half-size bigger than the other. Never bothered the girl. She was desperate.

Diesel slip-ons, creme and grey, worn several times (with jeans), once with a little black dress, $4

A good polka-dot shoe is paramount in any collection. Don't worry, I'm keeping the black-and-white polka dot pumps.

Chinese Laundry satin green polka-dotted sandals, worn twice, $8

She remembered fondly the time these BCBG's strenghtened her position in a kung-fu battle. The heel, in the wrong (or right) hands, a weapon to reckon with.

BCBG platform t-strap sandal, leather, worn once, amazing heel, $10

The reflection of the sun off my patent leather loafers created a well-timed twinkle in my eye that charmed the aging but still delightful Paul Newman.

Unlisted, by the infallible Kenneth Cole black patent loafers, worn several times, $5

So, if any of these appeal to you, and you live near-by, give me a shout!

Rice, fish, and the economy.

I'm concerned about sushi prices with the new rice rations. What will happen?! Ethanol is ruining my life!
(Not to mention if I see one more television commercial about some company "going green" I'm going to lose it! I get it. "Green" is the new trendy obsession. Like vampires, Harry Potter, and wizardry in general.)

I LOVE this!!!

I hate the necklace, but LOVE how he tries to pretend to be asleep, but can't help but smile! Makes me giggle with joy.

Allergies SUCK!

I am sick. Boo.
I think this pre-death feeling I'm feeling might be allergies. Maybe a sinus infection. Perhaps a cold. The flu. The Bubonic Plague.
If I die, I will never get to see the "Sex and the City" movie. Which Oprah just let me know, hmm, about a thosand times, opens May 30th!
I will never edit a movie trailer.
I will never find and marry my benevolent millionaire.
I will never publish my novel (2009, baby!).
Never visit the Italian Riviera.
I haven't owned my own puppy!
Or gotten up on the board for kite-boarding (coming this summer).
I can't die yet, I'm not ready! I still have never owned a pair of Manolos!

The perfect place to hold my tic-tac!

What's the deal with those teensy-tiny little pockets that are sometimes on womens' shirts? I know the point is to make your, well, twins, look really big by comparison. But, I mean, isn' t there a point where form has to follow some slight bit of function?
What can you fit in that pocket, anyway? Not even a credit card. Now, I realize you aren't going to put anything in that pocket, but to me, if there is a pocket, you should at least be able to put something in it if you need to. It's a pocket. Hello!