Getta load of this

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/critics-fear-collider-could-doom-earth/20080628165609990001

Although "'there is a huge army of scientists who know what they are talking about and are sleeping quite soundly as far as concerns the LHC,' said project leader Evans," I would just like to say, ya know, for my part (not that it matters), that if "a significant risk that ... operation of the Collider may have unintended consequences which could ultimately result in the destruction of our planet," perhaps we ought to not turn this thing on:

(**mo disclaimer: I know this won't destroy the earth, but I'd rather us all not become mutants or anything from random "strangelet" particles. I doubt being a mutant is as glamorous as "X-Men" makes it look. And I doubt many mutant men look like Hugh Jackman.)

Hairspray

We went to "Hairspray," the musical last night. It was waaaay better than I expected. I kind of thought I would hate it, actually, because my only experience with "Hairspray" is the disgusting Ricki Lake movie from my childhood. I totally boycotted the new movie because of that. However, musicals (in the theater) are usually pretty good, so I wanted to give it a chance.


So, this totally cute boy played "Link," at least he was cute from the balcony. He looked like my cool Buddy-Holly-esque friend, Nick. He is, of course, mo. Or at least attends BYU. He is Taylor Frey, and that name is actually totally familiar to me. I bet I knew of him in my Utah years. He was really good as Link, had good hair, cute clothes, and there was this part where you could see his big smile all the way in the back of the huge theater.

So, he's obviously young, and also obviously cute. He actually looks a little like that idiot, Ben Affleck. If Taylor Frey ever googles himself (which he inevitably will, don't be embarrassed, we have all done it) and runs across this blog, I am available for dates. Just in case.
My favorite part of the play was when the man playing the mom and the dad were singing a duet, and the dad said something funny, and the mom-guy totally lost it. The orchestra was just playing this note, forever, as he tried to compose himself and keep going with the song. He was just cracking up, and the dad was cracking up, and the audience was cracking up. It was very endearing. I have never seen anything like it.
One observation: with the overwhelming trendiness that is "going green," and the overwhelming popularity of the "Hairspray" show, there is a very great disconnect. The actors were constantly spraying hairspray from big aerosol cans. Don't you think the left would try to get this show shut down?! Or make them pay for their extra impact on the environment? I'm just sayin'. I don't want it to be shut down, and I am also, as you know, not a big believer in global warming. In fact, the play inspired me, and my hair was extra-big today. I did a Carrie hair-do from the SATC movie, just for your info. And it was fabulous!

In case y'all were wondering...

I had a lovely day. J'adore days off!

(I am aware that I put another celebrity face thing up there, but it said I looked like Danny Glover! I could not let that go un-posted! What was I to do, I ask you?! Just scroll down for a better, more neurotic post. You'll like it, I promise.)

I had to do one more

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity

Neuroses

I don't get: automatic-flushing toilets.I hate them. I really do. Today, at Ikea (which is much less hideous than I have previously imagined), I had some issues with an automatic-flushing toilet. And "might we say" these issues are not ones that were new to me. Or you.

So, within my code of behavior, there are very strict guidelines about public toilets.

1. Always try to get the first stall, statistically it is the least-used and cleanest.
2. If a toilet has not been flushed, choose another, do not even go all the way into that stall.
3. A toilet-seat-cover must always be properly utilized
4. If no factory-made toilet-seat-covers are available, one must be constructed from toilet paper
5. Actual toilet must not be touched with my actual skin. At all. Ever.
6. Must be very careful not to let hems of pants touch bathroom floor, or top of pants touch (Heaven help us!) the toilet bowl.
7. Flush with foot. Sometimes a dangerous endeavor, always well worth it.
8. Always face away from toilet, or, preferably, have exited the stall altogether (a MUST when in a skirt or shorts) while toilet flushes, to avoid any back-splash or undetectable mist of toilet water.

Automatic-flushing toilets seem hyper to me. They flush all the dang time. Today, I placed a toilet-seat-cover on the seat, and of course, it flushed immediately, taking the cover with it. Tried again, same thing. Three times I put covers on, then lost them in premature flushes (I mean, before I could even turn around to sit down.)

And then, when I am actually ready for the flush, nothing. I move around, come on, motion detector, do your thing! Nothing. So, I have to push this itty-bitty rubber button to make it flush.

Problems:

1. The thing is constantly flushing, spraying me with who-knows-what-but-I'm-sure-at-least-some-hepatitis
2. The toilet-seat-cover has to be placed incorrectly, with the flap not in the toilet, so it doesn't get sucked down. This means I have to touch it when I'm done to knock it into the bowl.
3. I have to touch that button. I don't even want to go there. I can't begin to list the sub-problems that go along with this problem. It will just make me even more crazy. (I am my father's daughter.)

What the hell? I was in hell.

Only me...

Last night I ran out of contact-lens solution. Now, I am new to the whole contact-lens wearing thing altogether, so there's my disclaimer.
So, I borrowed a little squirt from Georgia. You guessed it. You know what's coming.
Yeah, it was that solution that is really cleaner that goes with a special case and that you are not supposed to put in your eye. Yeah, I burned the heck out of my eyeball. I was surprised by my swift removal of the lens from my eye, as I am still getting used to taking those things out.
I guess that's what adrenaline does for ya.
My eye is still red and achey.
I am so classic.
I dare you to find another girl with as much moxie, as much class, as much grace as I. Good luck! (And some of you may remember the correct response to that statement, all together, now: "I don't need luck!")

Hmm... What happens when I'm bored at night?

See next, oh, I don't know, 10 posts.
So, this "celebrity look-alike" thing is such a fun, perfect waste of time. Thanks, Michelle. (PS: everyone, try it and email me the results, or better yet, post on your own blogs!)
Here's what Georgia and I noticed:
1) Neither of us really got told that we look like the people we look like all the time (Georgia: Nicold Kidman, Me: Reese Witherspoon or Zooey Dreschenel [sp?])
2) Apparently Georgia really looks like Tim Roth, whoever he is. (Just kidding, we all know she's gorgeous).
3) I don't have any good, up-close face pics of Bob.
4) I might be a slight bit vain. Which I think is a much better description of my sin than the previously mentioned "shallow." (I have been told by many people that I am actually not shallow... My mom described it as "...more like... preoccupied with shoes.")
5) My favorite look-alike, which isn't posted because a lot of the others were repeats, was Joan Awesome Collins!! Um, yeah. That's rad. 2nd runner-up: Angela Lansbury. Always loved "Murder, She Wrote!" Least favorite? Umm, that would be Helen Hunt.

Plastic face George

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

Here I am

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs

These are apparently who Georgia looks like. WHAT???

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb

Look-alikes

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Genology - Ancestory

Me again

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Roots - Family reunion web site

Haha!

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

Apparently I am much prettier in this pic...

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

"Bella" is BELLA

I just saw the film "Bella," and it is exquisite. Not only does it have a pretty good message, but the story of "Jose" will actually break your heart.

He is gorgeous, yes. But he is also an amazing, lovable character who you just want to know in real life, and not only know, but hug for a long time. What an incredible actor! The main girl is pretty annoying sometimes (she is very, very pessimistic and can be impossible) but the whole story and how it changes people on the inside is what I really love about this film.He is really one of the best characters I have seen in a long time, and that's saying a lot. I have seen some very beautiful, profound characters in some very beautiful, profound movies lately. He takes the cake.

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH!

I can't concentrate...

I have no words. Do you understand the impact of that statement? I have no words. About an outfit. I am so shocked that I cannot form a thought, or a comparison, or even a cheap insult. Dang, she's good.

Young Single Adults, meet OLD SINGLE ADULT

That's me. Old Single Adult. I attended parts of a YSA conference last weekend, and it just reminded me how old I am... No, I take that back, not how old I am, but how much I don't like teenagers. Because I'm fabulous, "old" or not.
I turned to my friend Leslie (and the guy she was flirting with) and said, "I will be alone forever... I will be alone forever... I will be alone forever."
The guy said, "by choice?"
I, very dramatically, mind you, gestured to the crowd, "you see these guys?"
Okay, forgetting for a moment that only 5 of the, oh, I don't know, 75 guys there were attractive (to me), we gotta do a little math. 90% of those 75 guys were 21. If not 19. And my absolute limit is 23. (And that's gotta be SOME CHARMING 23-year old).
ANYway, I don't really feel like doing the math, but what chance do you think there is that all 5 of the attractive guys were in the 10% of datable-age guys? Not bloody likely. All this having been said, Saturday night I

1. ate pretty good mexican food, for free [catered at the conference. Guacamole, yum!]
2. went on a double-date (with my sister as my date) [Leslie and the guy and Georgia and me all hung out, Georgia and I not realizing that we were about to be trapped on an awkward first date between the other two. We were not pleased.]
3. exposed myself at a church event [a girl walked in on my in my undies in a bathroom stall. Not a total exposure, but still pretty embarrassing. However, the whole experience justified my "underwear must match shirt, in case you're pantsed in public" rule.]
4. was told by a good guy friend, when he found out my age, "well, at least you LOOK fantastic! You don't look --!" Dang strait. I look 24. 24 and vibrant at that.

Didn't meet my husband, but overall, a pretty successful evening.

Oh, no he didn't

Apparently this guy is on "Gossip Girl." I don't care who he is. I don't care what he does. He could be the bloody prince of England and that wouldn't make it any better.
He could be my very own benevolent millionaire, about to drop down on one knee offering me a gorgeous life of love, shoes, and chocolate; with absolutely no expectations of change on my part... he just wants me to be myself, and write books and do make-overs on people, and host a show on The Travel Channel, and he's going to make it all happen in the twinkling of his sea-blue eyes. None of this makes these shorts okay. I might have to reject his offer based purely on these shorts. These are veto-shorts.

Let Me Borrow That Top

Umm, yeah, this is weird and pretty funny. And, stars two of my favorite people, Stacy and Clinton!

Internet broken. Bad internet.

INTERNET WOES

Okay, so I have not been blogging at my normal rate since we moved because our internet is constantly out. I hate it! We have had technicians come out three, count 'em, three times since like, June 3rd. We have had several other days with no internet because of storms, or unidentifiable outages. Other times, I have just plugged and unplugged things myself to try to get a connection (twice this has worked, not so much other times... 'maybe part of the problem,' you may be saying to yourself. Nay, I submit that it is entirely that fault of the internet gods, and has not been affected by my efforts.) We have called technical support probably 5 times. We have moved the router/modem from room to room 4 times. If there's an internet hell, I'm in it.

So, once again, today I was on hold with technical support, and I hear this message: "all technicians are still busy with other clients, for faster service, log on to our webpage, ____."

What is that? Some sort of sadistic joke? I can just imagine the guy whose voice they recorded for that message, trying really hard to get all the words out, and then bursting out with loud, guffawing laughter (not unlike Julia Roberts) the second they stop recording. "I peed my pants!" he shouts through uncontrollable inhalations at his peers, some of whom are actually on the floor, rolling with laughter themselves. Because, here's what: I wouldn't be on hold for technical support for my internet if I bloody had internet! Very funny, voice guy, very, very freaking funny.

So, over the last few days, I have had a few ideas for blogs, some of which I will recap here (meaning you may be in for a marathon blog today, sorry), and some of which (the funniest, I am sure), have been lost in the deep and complex chasms of my brain.

Here we go.

HOW TO: BABY

I had this dream that I wrote a blog (I know, right?!) called "How to: Baby," in which I enumerated how to take care of babies (based on my heaping 5 months experience nannying a baby who, by all accounts, is one of the cutest babies ever, behold:)

And yes, I am as partial to this baby as I am to Walter (they are the cutest baby and puppy ever, see?): Anywho, I digress... Okay, so the blog was all about babies, and what to do to make them happy, but still keep them from being these huge spoiled jerks later in life... But, here's the clincher: the last sentence was, "...and, if that doesn't work, just hypnotize them with a 'Baby Einstein' video." No joke. That was what my imaginary baby advice was. (Not that I condone putting your kids in front of the t.v. all the time in real life, but in my dream blog, it was just hilarious!)

DEDICATION

So, I was also thinking about this movie "Dedication," with Billy Crudup (horrible name) and Mandy Moore, and how much I just loved it. It is rated R, because there are a few really inappropriate (however funny) parts, but, overall, it was just awesome. The main character is soooo funny, and possible bi-polar (or extremely OCD, or who knows what?) One of my favorite parts is when he is trying to describe himself to Mandy Moore's character, and throws in "I have a towel that I can't throw away because it might have feelings..." That moment kind of sums up his character, and I love it! (He won't ride in cars because of a 100% chance of a wreck, and when he has to, he wears a helmet. This is priceless.)

An aside: yesterday, Georgia and I were in the car, and she saw a kid in the passenger seat of a car wearing a football helmet. I wish I saw it, she was laughing so hard I was afraid she would wreck the car, and then I'd need a helmet. Georgia has a hard time functioning normally when she's laughing really hard. Her hands don't work. I understand this, I have had a similar problem... So, I was afraid she wasn't going to be able to drive anymore. Get it?

Anyway, "Dedication" is easily one of my favorite movies now. A few more quotes:

The pessimistic writer, Henry, always had things like this to say: "Life is a horrible little giggle in the midst of a forced death," and "Life is nothing but the occasional burst of laughter rising above the interminable wail of grief."

His friend and business partner answered, "Life is a single skip for joy." Love that!!!

Anyway, I guess a lot of people did not like this movie, but I found it funny and sad and lovely. I liked all the characters. A lot. And Georgia and Mom and Bob liked it, and they usually hate movies I love. So, I have hope for this movie that you might like it too. (Disclaimer: lots of swearing, lots.)

SHE SAID SHE WANT A BALLER

That is a great rap from the movie "Coach Carter," and I find myself singing it (rapping it?) a lot lately. This is due to the fact that Euro Cup Soccer (futbol) championships seem to be on all the time in the break room at work.

The lookers... the legs... the patriotism... the athleticism... Hmm... I think I discovered a favorite new sport. I mean, hello!

Aren't they fine? Hot men, short shorts (okay, not that short, and certainly more attractive that way... I mean, those rugby shorts? Yeow! Too much information...)


HOT TRANNY MESS

So, I went to a party last weekend, and the day of, I received some make-up in the mail that I had ordered weeks before. Because of our move, things got all messed up, and it took a very long time to get. Moving on...

So, I was experimenting with new make-up colors that night, and in a random decision, put in blue contacts, which I hadn't even realized I owned. They are just a little darker than my eyes, and I have actually worn them all week. They are pretty fun. So, I had the blue contacts, a cool new midnight blue liquid pencil above my eyes, a few false lashes interspersed, and lip-plumping gloss. Totally fake, right? It was weird.

Georgia came in my room while I was getting ready, and was all, "you look really pretty," to which I replied, "good. I couldn't tell if I was pretty or looked like a tranny." Because I was definitely walking the line of over-done. Good to know I don't look like a man dressed up as a woman, even with the fake lashes.

EXPERT OPINION
So, I was describing someone to Georgia, and said something like, "...really nice, but kind of shallow..."
To which, Georgia posed this adept question, "how can you describe someone as shallow? When you, yourself, are shallow? That's like me saying someone is crazy!"
Yes, quite right. I thought about it, and told her, "who is more qualified to say someone is shallow than someone who is shallow as well? It's simply an expert opinion!"
The more I think about it, the more right it is. I told my mom about it, and defended myself, "I'm only shallow about things that don't matter," to which she replied, "yeah, shallow... Isn't that what shallow means?"
Oh, well. Can't be totally perfect. Gotta have some faults in this life. Shallow? I'll take it!

New job, new you

New job, new me!
I started my new job today! And I am going to love it!
Same company (anonymity in comments, please), but I am doing marketing now, which is sooooo much better, even on day 1.
So, yipee for me. I don't have to kill myself now.

Happy Fashas Day!

Hope everyone had a good Fathers' Day! Hooray for Dads! Gotta love 'em!
I love mine, they rule! (No, not in a "My Two Dads" way, I mean my dad and my step-dad!)

I know you've all been waiting for this:

MY "SEX AND THE CITY" MOVIE REVIEW:

Okay, first of all, can I just say, I loved the outfits!!! SJP's clothes were almost all incredible, with only a couple of flops (i.e. wedding party strange black jumpsuit with Vegas-worthy gold belt buckle). Overall, LOVED clothes! Here are a few faves:

I coveted this entire look! Love the white, the menswear, the juxtaposition of the pink with the black ascot. Can I get a "what what?"

I know, I know, I changed my opinion of this dress! I think I just didn't like the shoes with it. But, the dress, bonjour!

Okay, this whole thing is fabulous! I LOVE the belt, the different green florals, and the shapes! But, let's not overlook the most important thing: I NEED THOSE SHOES!!!

Charlotte's clothes were also very good, and I was even diggin' Miranda's style. Sam looked a little harsh, but what I loved overall was belts, belts, and more belts! And, I gotta admit I love a good straw hat that doubles as a hide-out.

So, the story also did not disappoint. (Possible spoilers to follow.) I loved a moment on a bridge, Charlotte's surprise and endearing angry moments, the scene outside a car with flowers, and the ending! I giggled at the Anthony/Stanford moments. And Carrie's fashion-show was fabulous! And, JenHud, what a doll. Loved a curvy girl rocking hot clothes and even hotter eye make-up.

I also have to admit that in the opening montage of memories, I was so excited that I was all teary-eyed! I felt like I was going to start bawling at any moment. Should I be embarrassed about that? As I told David, "but they're my friends!" To which he said, "do you hear yourself right now?"

Anywho, I was so very NOT disappointed by this movie! I was a little disappointed that Smith ended up looking so old and leathery (and I mean, why did they do that to his hair? I love the long hair on him. And the shaved head. But the Ken-doll swoop? No bueno.)

I recommend it. I love it. I want to marry it. And when I do, I have the perfect head-dress for the wedding which I will steal from one of Carrie's VOGUE looks!!

Disclaimer: was slightly disappointed, though not all that shocked, by insane gratuitous nudity and raunchy sex scenes. Ick.

Melancholy

So, last night I had this dream. Probably for the entirety of my sleep. In it were me and my old boyfriend, Craig, who I rarely think about in my awake times. I mean, it's been years.
He's the guy some of you have heard me call "the love of my life." Yeah, I loved him, however briefly, and actually spent the latter half of or relationship crying because he had moved away. I am not a "crying girl." I have a quiet contempt for "crying girls" because they make us look weak. If I could take back all that crying, I would. It made me look like a basket case, and maybe an idiot. Poor guy probably thought, "what have I signed up for?"
Anyway, so I spent this short relationship (the one in which I was in love and never took any real chances) crying and being a crazy person. Who knew a guy could do that to me? I am the queen of cool. In fact, I am often "the guy" in my relationships. It's all logic and lists and rarely, if ever, love, or anything like it. I am "the guy."
Okay, so the dream, which dictated the way the rest of my Tuesday went, was just that he was here, and we were hanging out, and he was all "you look different," and I was all "it's probably my hair," when the truth is it's probably the thirty pounds or so. And in my dream I was in love again and trying, trying my hardest to make him love me back. Again. If he really ever did (which was a question I always held until the night we broke up and he said it. Why? You tell me that and then break up with me? I mean, I know why, but that is too much for this post...)
So, I woke up forlorn and lonely and melancholy and slightly confused (how does your subconscious do that to you? And why?) and spent the day in a very similar state.
I guess what I got from the whole thing is this: Are you ever really over someone you have loved? I mean, really, down deep, where your mind is thinking and you don't even know about it, like in a dream? Or even on the surface? I was so sad all day about this guy who I haven't been in the same room with for what, four years?
What do you think?
I hate love.

(Oh, and also, in this dream, I saw myself at a size 6, maybe 8, and am really excited for that. Dang, I was hot. Granted, I have only lost two pounds this week-ish, but I am rounding the 15 pound mark, and then will proceed to thin. Get ready, people. It's happening.)

Kiteboarding vid

Check out this awesome kiteboarding video! Not only is this guy sweet, the video editing rocks!
I am going to learn this this summer (well, I can fly the kite, and have done a little in the water, but need to get up on a board)! Wish me luck!

http://www.hadlowpro.com/

New apartment

Check out my sweet new place!!

My room:

My okay closet:
My room into bathroom:

Bathroom:

My towel rack (hey, I like it):

Shower:

Cute his/her (me/me) sinks:

Living room from foyer (pretty aqua wall):

Other side:

Big porch:

The bar:

Dining room:

Into the kitchen:
My favorite, the "nook":
Yeah, I'm not excited about my apartment... Not at all!

Well, I have SOME grace...

"You can't have SOME grace, you either have grace, or you don't..." (That's from 'Seinfeld.')

Today I fell. I mean, good and fell. The fall had sections.

I was walking out to my car before church, and decided to cut across the grass. Of course, the grass wasn't even, and my ankle rolled (a lot) and I skinned my knees and in general was a mess. I thought I broke my ankle.

Now, before you go judging me, keep in mind that my shoes were dangerous. Dangerous. See for yourself:

Tell me you could flit across bolderous grass in those without a spill.

Hot, no?
Totally worth the fall.

In Plain Sight

Okay, so Georgia and I watch the USA Network because of it's proclivity toward playing Law and Order re-runs. (Although, we don't have cable right now, so there is no tv watching going on...)
However, they have been playing these commercials for months for this stupid show about the witness protection program and this girl with a pig-face and her partner Marshall, who is a US Marshall (how clever! Why, that is just bloody brilliant!) I think the show may have finally commenced this month, but whatev. That is actually not what I am writing this blog about.
What I am writing about is this commercial for the darn show that I saw at work today.
A little kid, like a total runt, who might be eight, says to the pig-face girl,"my dad always said that if someone really wants to kill you, nothing can stop them," or something very equal to that.
Oh, man, I really missed out that lesson as a child. My mom was like, "don't touch the oven door," or "don't cross the street without looking," but she never warned me about the overwhelming danger that "when someone makes up their mind to kill you, nobody can stop them." What bad parenting! I am surprised no one ever turned her into Child Protective Services. I'm amazed I made it this far. I guess no one ever decided to kill me!

Guess what else?

You can see the tee for the ninth hole of the neighboring golf course from right outside my building... Okay, not sure it's the ninth hole, but I am guessing it is, because if for no other reason than the ninth is traditionally my favorite hole.
Thanks, David. Good call on the apartments. You are the stud of apartment-finding, in case you didn't know. (See also my comment under "Moving Sucks" for more David credits...)

Yep.

True that.

*Disclaimer: I still have not seen the movie, poor me, so the moratorium on SATC discussion is still in place.