There is a dog next door to my parents' house. His name is Gunther (which, let's be honest, is pretty funny in its own right). My mom was taking Walter and Jojo out for a w-a-l-k, and avoided going a certain way to avoid Gunther.
"He's bad," my mom says, "he barks, and gets out, and bullies the other dogs," "makes racial slurs, votes democrat, and likes Marilyn Manson," I finished.
Bad dog.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
A Model Idiot?
Today, I saw a newscast about the approaching hurricane, and this reporter (who looked like the non-Jim-Carey guy from "Dumb and Dumber") was just about the biggest idiot. Ever.
First offense: "We are watching as residents are straggling and staggering towards the buses..." Really? I understand they are straggling. But staggering? What are they, totally loaded? Hung over? Drunk? Zombies? Wouldn't 'walking' be more appropriate? Or are they actually staggering? And if so, why are they already staggering? They are beating the hurricane at this point. They are winning. Well, kind of. As much as they can be. At least they should not be in physical harm.
Second offense: (speaking to a man who obviously didn't want to be speaking with him) "Who do we have here?" (about a baby the man carried). The man told him the baby's name and dumb reporter says, "oh, how old is he?" The man answered "19 months." "So, this would be his first evacuation..." Umm, dumb reporter, it's not his first tooth or first step. I'm betting this won't make it into the baby book. Moron.
First offense: "We are watching as residents are straggling and staggering towards the buses..." Really? I understand they are straggling. But staggering? What are they, totally loaded? Hung over? Drunk? Zombies? Wouldn't 'walking' be more appropriate? Or are they actually staggering? And if so, why are they already staggering? They are beating the hurricane at this point. They are winning. Well, kind of. As much as they can be. At least they should not be in physical harm.
Second offense: (speaking to a man who obviously didn't want to be speaking with him) "Who do we have here?" (about a baby the man carried). The man told him the baby's name and dumb reporter says, "oh, how old is he?" The man answered "19 months." "So, this would be his first evacuation..." Umm, dumb reporter, it's not his first tooth or first step. I'm betting this won't make it into the baby book. Moron.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Bottle Shock
Well, I went to see this today... It is pretty funny, pro-America, and has my favorite strange-voiced brit, Alan Rickman. Although it is about wine, which I know nothing about, it was still totally relatable and it's fun to watch people swish wine around in their cheeks. I recommend it!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Yum
Yeah, so I already wanted to have Robert Downey, Jr's lovechild, but now I do even more. HELLO! (He doesn't start singing until about minute 2).
What's WRONG with me?
I am depressed, and agitated, and irritated, and feeling worse about myself than I have IN YEARS. For those of you who know me, I am usually a little on the too-confident side. So, it is bugging me like crazy to be soooooo down on myself. It's like I am possessed.
What can I do? All the advice I delve out to others in their times of need escapes me. I feel like locking myself away to rot. Or, alternatively, moving to to Spain or Italy to disappear (perhaps with a Javier Bardem look-alike?). If only I were independently wealthy... Then I could afford it.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Also, to reward you for getting through that little pity-party, here is my theory on REPRODUCTION, which I have always held in some version, but has recently been thrown into the fire and perfected:
I think people should have to apply to reproduce. And pass a strenuous screening process. And the people who are too dumb; the people who would raise jerky, crappy children; and the people with little or no soul would be involuntarily neutered. Or whatever. Maybe they can still have sex, but their tubes are tied? Something. We gotta regulate.
What can I do? All the advice I delve out to others in their times of need escapes me. I feel like locking myself away to rot. Or, alternatively, moving to to Spain or Italy to disappear (perhaps with a Javier Bardem look-alike?). If only I were independently wealthy... Then I could afford it.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Also, to reward you for getting through that little pity-party, here is my theory on REPRODUCTION, which I have always held in some version, but has recently been thrown into the fire and perfected:
I think people should have to apply to reproduce. And pass a strenuous screening process. And the people who are too dumb; the people who would raise jerky, crappy children; and the people with little or no soul would be involuntarily neutered. Or whatever. Maybe they can still have sex, but their tubes are tied? Something. We gotta regulate.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Oh, hell yeah.
My friend Alison posted a blog about some friends being brought together for cosmic reasons. I too, believe some people are here, in my life, for a reason.
Like J Simp. I think she really might be here just to make me feel smarter, and better dressed.
Like J Simp. I think she really might be here just to make me feel smarter, and better dressed.
People (including me) have a little too much time on their hands...
My boss showed me this on her phone at work, her little son likes it. I think it is dang funny, and truth is, this may not be the one, because when you search "Spongebob raps" on youtube, there are a ton of them. He also does "Just Loose [sic] It" by Eminem quite well. One of my faves was actually in another language. This is the url for that one, in case you want to see it, too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0Rn5c4bBrU
Enjoy! I know, I am a dork. But, it's just about as funny and unexpected as me rapping. Which I totally can. 'Cause, baby, I'm a thug.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Why do this to yourself? And others.
Is it just me, or do these "shoes" make her feet look like the hoofs ('hooves?' What is the plural of 'hoof?') of a Clydesdale horse? Or something. Girl, they ain't good. It's all I'm saying.Sometimes, I think the draw of being extremely avant-garde overrides common sense. And vision.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I'm perplexed...
Why does Vin Diesel still have an acting career? He's as bad as N Cage, except he's got that good body. But, still with the ugly face and zero talent.
He's got that new movie...
girl: are you a killer?
VD (hee hee, 'VD'): (brooding and mysterious-like) yes, now get in the car.
Please.
He's got that new movie...
girl: are you a killer?
VD (hee hee, 'VD'): (brooding and mysterious-like) yes, now get in the car.
Please.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Have I ever led you astray before?
You must, I beg of you, click on this.
It is a link to my friend Melanie's blog. And it is funny. And you know if there's one thing in this world that I know, it's 'funny.'
It is a link to my friend Melanie's blog. And it is funny. And you know if there's one thing in this world that I know, it's 'funny.'
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Let's go to the movies... Let's go see the show!
I saw a couple of awesome movies on my day off, both with dark-eyed men who pretty much epitomize my "type."
"Ironman," with my favorite celebrity bad boy, Robert Downey, "finest man alive" Jr, was actually quite good. He got all these props for his acting in the movie, but I didn't notice... Did he act? I was too busy drooling to intelligently determine what his acting level was... Although I think, had it been terrible, I would have noticed that. So, cheers, Robert Downey, Gorgeous, you may deserve an Oscar. But I wouldn't know...
(*I do have to give the movie some snaps for being a super-hero movie that I did not want to run, not walk, out of!)
And, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" was also very good. (Warning: very slight spoiler alert!) The narration made it seem very old-fashioned, or something, but in a good way. At the end, I just sat there, unable to speak. It's rare that anything leaves me speechless. But the story was so strange, the characters so interesting and bizarre, and the ending so realistic, that I just didn't know what to think. (And, of course, that's what I am looking for in a movie, something that makes me think, or change.) Javier Bardem certainly did not disappoint, either. Who knew he was such a hottie after that hair-do in "No Country"? The movie makes me just want to go on vaca to Spain or Italy or something, meet a gorgeous foreigner and shack up with him, and just never come back. And I can watch him paint violent passionate paintings, and he can fight with his crazy ex-wife (although we would not become a strange love-triangle, nope... Even if my very own book makes it seem like I like strange love-triangles...)
Overall, a very successful day off. I just LOVE good movies! Although, now I am in need of a dark-eyed man to have a fiery romance with. Sorry I ended that sentence with a preposition.
"Ironman," with my favorite celebrity bad boy, Robert Downey, "finest man alive" Jr, was actually quite good. He got all these props for his acting in the movie, but I didn't notice... Did he act? I was too busy drooling to intelligently determine what his acting level was... Although I think, had it been terrible, I would have noticed that. So, cheers, Robert Downey, Gorgeous, you may deserve an Oscar. But I wouldn't know...
(*I do have to give the movie some snaps for being a super-hero movie that I did not want to run, not walk, out of!)
And, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" was also very good. (Warning: very slight spoiler alert!) The narration made it seem very old-fashioned, or something, but in a good way. At the end, I just sat there, unable to speak. It's rare that anything leaves me speechless. But the story was so strange, the characters so interesting and bizarre, and the ending so realistic, that I just didn't know what to think. (And, of course, that's what I am looking for in a movie, something that makes me think, or change.) Javier Bardem certainly did not disappoint, either. Who knew he was such a hottie after that hair-do in "No Country"? The movie makes me just want to go on vaca to Spain or Italy or something, meet a gorgeous foreigner and shack up with him, and just never come back. And I can watch him paint violent passionate paintings, and he can fight with his crazy ex-wife (although we would not become a strange love-triangle, nope... Even if my very own book makes it seem like I like strange love-triangles...)
Overall, a very successful day off. I just LOVE good movies! Although, now I am in need of a dark-eyed man to have a fiery romance with. Sorry I ended that sentence with a preposition. Wednesday, August 20, 2008
R&J
Everytime I watch "Romeo & Juliet," I have a feeling it will turn out differently...
...but then it wouldn't be my type.
Hey, I know YOU...
So, apparently these old BYU volleyball players are on the US volleyball team! My roomies and I were LOYAL BYU volleyball fans, especially freshman and sophomore years, during the golden years of these two players' BYU fame.
Rich Lambourne (on the left) and I were buddies for a couple of months when we both worked at the same place... My roomies and I all LOVED him. Also, we thought he looked like Simba. From "The Lion King." Yep. Still does. Still pretty darn cute, too.
Ryan Millar was amazing! He always reminded me of "Lyrch" from "The Addams Family." Crazy-good athlete, though!
This is just such a weird blast from the past! Takes me back to the good old days of Mac, "Ossie in my pocket," and the Teddy Bear. Good times, good times. Not that it will probably prompt me to watch the Olympics. Not really into that. (Quote of the week re: The Olympics: "I'm so lazy, I don't even want to watch people exercising!" I didn't say it, but is that not tops?!)
Pretty great
I saw a "Henry Poole is Here" last night, and it is pretty fantastic. Keeping that fact that 'Henry' is my very favorite boy name out of it, the film is really touching... Okay, and it didn't ruin my favorite boy name for me. That's always a good thing.
I really liked the characters. The story is good too,and sad and all that, which I like, as you know. And, I really like a film that acknowledges that God might exist, and doesn't make fun of religion (well, when religion is a topic, anyway). The people who had faith weren't proven to be wrong, or stupid or anything at the end, and I appreciated that.
I really liked the characters. The story is good too,and sad and all that, which I like, as you know. And, I really like a film that acknowledges that God might exist, and doesn't make fun of religion (well, when religion is a topic, anyway). The people who had faith weren't proven to be wrong, or stupid or anything at the end, and I appreciated that.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I would like to thank the Academy...
Thanks, Teri, for nominating my blog! You rule!
Now, I nominate these fine folks:
1) Natalie I miss her! And this blog is a good way to see what's up!
2) Sam Political rants and comments on being a singleton in one place? Sign me up! He's not the only guy I know with verbal ability, but he's the only one who's smart enough to write it down.
3) D'Arcy Interesting, pretty blog (the photos rock). We have only met once or twice, but are blog-friends. She is awesome!
4) Alison Super-funny. Great dry sense of humor. Reminds me of me. So, I like her blog. A lot.
5) Michelle Amazing travel stories, long lost friend! Well, not that long, and not that lost, really. Fabulous friend whose life of travel I covet.
6) Jana When she posts, which isn't often enough, it is always awesome! One of the best senses of humor I have ever known! "I mean, paisley scarves!"
7) Erica Great blog, and I nominate her for the genius post "In the beginning, there was meat. And the meat was covered in bar-b-que sauce..." One of the funniest things ever, opinions I have often shared, and, well, about bar-b-que. What could be better?
The rules:
1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. You must nominate 7 fellow bloggers for this award.
4. Add links to the recipients.
5. Leave a comment so the recipients know they have received the award.
(I wanted to nominate more of you, but there you go. I know you're sad. Especially since the award itself appears to be from a fortune-teller, or medieval , scarborough-fair-attending, velvet-wearing mystic. All the blogs I read, I love. Or, I wouldn't read them. But some of you didn't make the list because I always check your blog only to be sad that there is rarely anything new, although when you do post, it's miraculous! And, some of you are private, so no one could click on your name and enjoy your blog. I know why you do it, but you are punishing these poor people.)
Now, I nominate these fine folks:1) Natalie I miss her! And this blog is a good way to see what's up!
2) Sam Political rants and comments on being a singleton in one place? Sign me up! He's not the only guy I know with verbal ability, but he's the only one who's smart enough to write it down.
3) D'Arcy Interesting, pretty blog (the photos rock). We have only met once or twice, but are blog-friends. She is awesome!
4) Alison Super-funny. Great dry sense of humor. Reminds me of me. So, I like her blog. A lot.
5) Michelle Amazing travel stories, long lost friend! Well, not that long, and not that lost, really. Fabulous friend whose life of travel I covet.
6) Jana When she posts, which isn't often enough, it is always awesome! One of the best senses of humor I have ever known! "I mean, paisley scarves!"
7) Erica Great blog, and I nominate her for the genius post "In the beginning, there was meat. And the meat was covered in bar-b-que sauce..." One of the funniest things ever, opinions I have often shared, and, well, about bar-b-que. What could be better?
The rules:
1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. You must nominate 7 fellow bloggers for this award.
4. Add links to the recipients.
5. Leave a comment so the recipients know they have received the award.
(I wanted to nominate more of you, but there you go. I know you're sad. Especially since the award itself appears to be from a fortune-teller, or medieval , scarborough-fair-attending, velvet-wearing mystic. All the blogs I read, I love. Or, I wouldn't read them. But some of you didn't make the list because I always check your blog only to be sad that there is rarely anything new, although when you do post, it's miraculous! And, some of you are private, so no one could click on your name and enjoy your blog. I know why you do it, but you are punishing these poor people.)
Sawyer, oh, yes, you did
I know I was just complaining about long hair, but umm... if he looks like this in it, I am not only okay with it, I would like to propose the man be knighted.
Zack Morris, oh, no you didn't...
We all know Zack Morris (aka Mark-Paul Gosselar or some other such nonsense) is fine. Behold:
I mean, that boy grew up hunky. I never thought he was too cute on good old SBTB, the whole blonde thing wasn't his bag, baby. But, as a brunette, pearly-smiled adult, ZM is one hot tamale. So, who, I mean, who the hell, decided to make him grow out this pedophilic, wavy, limp, grody coif?
Cause I know home-boy did not make this command decision on his own. He's the one who has to look in the mirror every morning and wax poetic about the good old days of being a pretty impressive looker. He can't be okay with this. Oh, the humanity!
I mean, that boy grew up hunky. I never thought he was too cute on good old SBTB, the whole blonde thing wasn't his bag, baby. But, as a brunette, pearly-smiled adult, ZM is one hot tamale. So, who, I mean, who the hell, decided to make him grow out this pedophilic, wavy, limp, grody coif?
Cause I know home-boy did not make this command decision on his own. He's the one who has to look in the mirror every morning and wax poetic about the good old days of being a pretty impressive looker. He can't be okay with this. Oh, the humanity!Monday, August 18, 2008
Georgia, at her finest:
"It's really sad
*If you can see this blog, don't worry, you don't qualify as a 'plant'...
when the plants
start getting
married, though..."
*If you can see this blog, don't worry, you don't qualify as a 'plant'...
My Dad, superhero of comedy
When we were young, I remember one particular instance when my mom and sisters and I drug our dad out shopping with us. For clothes.
We arrived home, our poor dad at the end of his rapidly fraying rope.
He got out his hand-held mini-tape recorder (just one of the many man-toys that was popular in the 80s, but may be slightly nerdy today... I bet he still has it, actually) and recorded a little message to himself.
Upon ensuing invitations to go shopping, the man simply retrieved his tape-player, rewound to the predetermined spot on the tape, and played back: "Never go shopping with Eileen and the girls again. Never."
I heard that tape many a time in my youth.
Not so funny in the re-telling, turns out, but still one of my fave Dad memories.
We arrived home, our poor dad at the end of his rapidly fraying rope.
He got out his hand-held mini-tape recorder (just one of the many man-toys that was popular in the 80s, but may be slightly nerdy today... I bet he still has it, actually) and recorded a little message to himself.
Upon ensuing invitations to go shopping, the man simply retrieved his tape-player, rewound to the predetermined spot on the tape, and played back: "Never go shopping with Eileen and the girls again. Never."
I heard that tape many a time in my youth.
Not so funny in the re-telling, turns out, but still one of my fave Dad memories.
Garden State
I keep thinking about this scene lately... In fact, this scene has made me watch this movie twice in the past two weeks. I LOVE the way it looks, the melancholy-ness of it, the music... It is just about perfect. Sigh.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Movie List...
I am a nerd. I have lists. Of everything. But, lately, people have been asking for movie suggestions. So, I am putting my lists up on here. I can answer questions, or give reviews if you need them. I LOVE films, and am happy to help the world find the good ones. (I starred the indie/art films (or at least, the more obscure ones), because they are the best, generally, and are the least likely to have been given a chance).
Favorite Movies
Lars and the Real Girl*
Juno
Once*
Dan in Real Life
The Darjeeling Limited*
Dedication*
The Agronomist*
Sex and the City
Amelie*
Lost in Translation*
When Harry Met Sally
The Station Agent*
Elf
Bridget Jones’ Diary
The Jerk
French Kiss
Half Nelson*
Ghost World*
Kill Bill 1 & 2
Life Aquatic*
Rushmore*
Peggy Sue Got Married
Raising Arizona
Primal Fear
(Leon) The Professional*
Sixteen Candles
Sleepless in Seattle
Sound of Music
The Talented Mr. Ripley
The Usual Suspects
American Beauty
A Very Long Engagement*
12 Monkeys
Age of Innocence
Pleasantville*
Saved!*
American History X*
300
Bandits
Match Point
Old School
Zoolander
Best in Show*
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Gosford Park*
Hotel Rwanda*
The Hudsucker Proxy*
The Money Pit
The Lucky Number Slevin*
You Kill Me*
Something’s Gotta Give
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest*
Roman Holiday
Footloose
A Christmas Story
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Hollywoodland*
Pan’s Labyrinth*
Love Actually
In Bruges*
Rendition*
Stranger than Fiction
La Vie en Rose*
Michael Clayton*
Thank You for Smoking*
Mary Poppins
Charlie Bartlett*
Napoleon Dynamite
The Graduate
Friends with Money*
13 Going on 30
The Sidewalks of New York*
High Fidelity*
Fight Club
The Sandlot
Running with Scissors*
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang*
Life as a House
Bella*
Fracture
Conversations with Other Women*
Garden State*
Music Within*
Second String
Interview with a Vampire
American Splendor*
The Holiday
Devil Wears Prada
Failure to Launch
Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid
Casper
Con Air
Confidence*
The Constant Gardner*
Elizabeth
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Finding Neverland
The Illusionist
The Prestige
Gross Pointe Blank
Return to Me
An Ideal Husband*
Identity
Perfect Strangers
Gothika
If Lucy Fell*
Jewel of the Nile
Romancing the Stone
A Little Princess
Little Women
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra*
Mary Poppins
Maverick
Moulin Rouge
Newsies
Payback
Pride and Prejudice (A&E)
A River Runs Through It
Robin Hood Prince of Thieves
Robin Hood Men in Tights
Big Fish
Secondhand Lions
Shanghai Knights
Because I Said So
My Super Ex-Girlfriend
Blades of Glory
Definitely, Maybe
PS, I Love You
Starting Out in the Evening*
Home Alone
Gone With the Wind
White Christmas
3:10 to Yuma
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Bewitched
Romeo & Juliet (DiCaprio/Danes)
School for Scoundrels
Little Miss Sunshine
Blades of Glory
Tommy Boy
Slingblade
Paris, Je T’aime*
The Mirror Has Two Faces
Arlington Road
Blade
The Great Gatsby
The Notebook
Don't Say a Word
Favorite Movies
Lars and the Real Girl*
Juno
Once*
Dan in Real Life
The Darjeeling Limited*
Dedication*
The Agronomist*
Sex and the City
Amelie*
Lost in Translation*
When Harry Met Sally
The Station Agent*
Elf
Bridget Jones’ Diary
The Jerk
French Kiss
Half Nelson*
Ghost World*
Kill Bill 1 & 2
Life Aquatic*
Rushmore*
Peggy Sue Got Married
Raising Arizona
Primal Fear
(Leon) The Professional*
Sixteen Candles
Sleepless in Seattle
Sound of Music
The Talented Mr. Ripley
The Usual Suspects
American Beauty
A Very Long Engagement*
12 Monkeys
Age of Innocence
Pleasantville*
Saved!*
American History X*
300
Bandits
Match Point
Old School
Zoolander
Best in Show*
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Gosford Park*
Hotel Rwanda*
The Hudsucker Proxy*
The Money Pit
The Lucky Number Slevin*
You Kill Me*
Something’s Gotta Give
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest*
Roman Holiday
Footloose
A Christmas Story
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Hollywoodland*
Pan’s Labyrinth*
Love Actually
In Bruges*
Rendition*
Stranger than Fiction
La Vie en Rose*
Michael Clayton*
Thank You for Smoking*
Mary Poppins
Charlie Bartlett*
Napoleon Dynamite
The Graduate
Friends with Money*
13 Going on 30
The Sidewalks of New York*
High Fidelity*
Fight Club
The Sandlot
Running with Scissors*
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang*
Life as a House
Bella*
Fracture
Conversations with Other Women*
Garden State*
Music Within*
Second String
Interview with a Vampire
American Splendor*
The Holiday
Devil Wears Prada
Failure to Launch
Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid
Casper
Con Air
Confidence*
The Constant Gardner*
Elizabeth
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Finding Neverland
The Illusionist
The Prestige
Gross Pointe Blank
Return to Me
An Ideal Husband*
Identity
Perfect Strangers
Gothika
If Lucy Fell*
Jewel of the Nile
Romancing the Stone
A Little Princess
Little Women
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra*
Mary Poppins
Maverick
Moulin Rouge
Newsies
Payback
Pride and Prejudice (A&E)
A River Runs Through It
Robin Hood Prince of Thieves
Robin Hood Men in Tights
Big Fish
Secondhand Lions
Shanghai Knights
Because I Said So
My Super Ex-Girlfriend
Blades of Glory
Definitely, Maybe
PS, I Love You
Starting Out in the Evening*
Home Alone
Gone With the Wind
White Christmas
3:10 to Yuma
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Bewitched
Romeo & Juliet (DiCaprio/Danes)
School for Scoundrels
Little Miss Sunshine
Blades of Glory
Tommy Boy
Slingblade
Paris, Je T’aime*
The Mirror Has Two Faces
Arlington Road
Blade
The Great Gatsby
The Notebook
Don't Say a Word
Friday, August 15, 2008
Oh, my
Buzz, your girlfriend, 'woof!'
I don't know which is worse... her outfit, or her face! Sorry, girl, but methinks perhaps ye are nigh past ye prime... Invest anon in an outfit which does not divulge thy lady-bits...I am so upset, I had to go all medieval on her a.
Dear youtube, what the hell?
You keep not posting videos that I try to post, and then posting them, weeks later, as many times as I tried to post them, which is often many. Please remedy this situation.
Kisses,
Maigen
Kisses,
Maigen
Yet another lion-reunited-with-owner video
I know, I know, this is the second lion video I have posted. But, aside from the cheesy music, I love this, and lions in general, actually. I think I will get a cub...
Thursday, August 14, 2008
So, do you know anyone who is at the precipice of having completed her first novel?
Umm, yeah you do. Me.
Don't hate, congratulate!
*Does anyone have contacts in publishing, btw? I need to get in with a major publishing house. Girl's gotta get on 'Oprah.'
Don't hate, congratulate!
*Does anyone have contacts in publishing, btw? I need to get in with a major publishing house. Girl's gotta get on 'Oprah.'
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Oh, American Apparel...
You repel me... Your unisex clothing is just not right. And every ad I see is worse than the last. Which I didn't think possible.5 signs your date is into you...
Hey guys, I read this article on AOL, and I though some of it was pretty interesting. I am pretty good at reading body language, but some of these were even things I hadn't thought of! Oh, and my responses/comments are in blue.
Five signs your date is into you…
1. He closes the distance
"First and foremost, moving in closer indicates a desire for more intimate contact," Hartley says. So if a guy you're talking to at a party inches a little closer as you talk, or your date slides into the same side of the booth as you, you know he wants to get to know you better—and not as a friend.
Duh, of course we all know this!!
2. He speaks softly
When a man talks in a quieter voice, it's an excellent sign, Hartley explains. "He's indicating that what he's saying is for your ears only," he says. "If he's telling you something private or secret, it's a good thing—guys don't do that to women they're not into." If you want to let that soft-talker know you feel the same way, respond in kind, which should quickly turn those sparks into an all-out fire. Caveat: If you're in a loud bar or restaurant, where you have to shout to be heard, you can't tell anything by his decibel level. So wait until you're walking or driving home to see whether he's turned the volume down.
I do this, actually. Ever since I read "The Great Gatsby," in 9th grade, and learned that Daisy spoke softly to make people lean in, I have employed low-talking as a flirting tactic. It works, btw.
3. He rounds his posture
Hypermasculine body language (think: swaggering walk, standing tall with shoulders back and chin up, etc.) serves to attract women from a distance. But when a guy is talking close-up with a woman he likes, he will soften, or "round" his body language, Hartley notes. If your guy's squared shoulders cave in when he's chatting with you, he's indicating that he feels comfortable and secure in your presence.
I have never thought about this, but it makes sense. I'm keeping my eyes out for this in the future.
4. He talks slowwwly
Like birds in a mating dance, men typically talk more slowly and softly when they are attracted to someone, Hartley explains. Of course, if he knocked back a few gigante lattes on a first date, he may be too wired (and nervous) to sound like Barry White, but give it time: If his speech starts to make you feel sleepy, he's a goner.
I like this, what girl doesn't like a nice sultry man? Preferably southern. Like Harry Connick, Jr. Yummy!
5. He can't take his eyes off you (in a good way)
So his eyes are locked on yours? As long as it isn't a psycho stare, but rather a lingering, heavy-lidded, "Wow, you're amazing" gaze, that guy is digging you big-time, Harley says.
It can be hard to distinguish a "psycho stare" sometimes... Recently, I thought a guy was giving me a "psycho stare," but it turns out, that's just the way he looks!
…and 5 signs your date isn't into you
1. He's four feet away
If his motto may as well be The Police's "Don't Stand So Close to Me", he's not feelin' you romantically, Hartley says. How do you define "distance"? "If he remains four feet or more away from you, it is a clear signal that his heart's not in it," says Hartley.
Doi. Remember "doi?" From the 80's?
2. He stands at an oblique angle facing you
"Most men do not realize that when talking to another man, we stand at oblique angles, with one shoulder facing the other's face, yet when we talk to women — especially ones we're interested in romantically — we stand face-to-face with them," Hartley says. If your guy's shoulder is pointing in the direction of your face during conversation, he's subconsciously showing disinterest or is trying to turn you off, Hartley explains.
Seems obvious, but not something I have tuned into before. My arts of perception have been failing me!
3. He sounds like that guy in accounting
If your date is talking to you like you're someone at the office — meaning the pace is quick and the level of his voice is rather strong — "he's probably just trying to keep it to friend level," Hartley says. With time, you might notice a change — after all, he just might want to keep it "professional" on the first date or two while he gets to know you — but if it remains this way after a few dates, cut your losses.
Umm, yeah. I've had to talk to someone like I worked in accounting before... It worked.
4. He stares at your mouth
When a guy focuses on your lips, what he's really trying to do is avoid eye contact, Hartley explains. "If he's avoiding eye contact, you can pretty safely assume he's not into you," he asserts. If your date fixes his gaze below your face, he's probably interested in you, but perhaps not for a long-term relationship, if you know what we mean…
So... maybe my "lips-eyes, lips-eyes" move isn't the best? I don't know, when used properly, I have had a 97% rate of return on a kiss. "The 'bend-and-snap!' Works every ti-me!"
5. He's out of sync with your body language
When a guy is romantically interested in you, he will mimic your body language, so if he doesn't copy you, gesture for gesture, odds are he isn't smitten, Hartley says. To test the waters, try leaning in closer to your date, using your hands to emphasize what you're saying. If your guy does the same, it's a great sign. But if he keeps his hands still, pulls away or takes a step backwards, he may be unavailable or just plain not interested.
Interesting... Makes sense. Next time I'm on a date, I think I'll make some really strange gestures just to see what he does...
Five signs your date is into you…
1. He closes the distance
"First and foremost, moving in closer indicates a desire for more intimate contact," Hartley says. So if a guy you're talking to at a party inches a little closer as you talk, or your date slides into the same side of the booth as you, you know he wants to get to know you better—and not as a friend.
Duh, of course we all know this!!
2. He speaks softly
When a man talks in a quieter voice, it's an excellent sign, Hartley explains. "He's indicating that what he's saying is for your ears only," he says. "If he's telling you something private or secret, it's a good thing—guys don't do that to women they're not into." If you want to let that soft-talker know you feel the same way, respond in kind, which should quickly turn those sparks into an all-out fire. Caveat: If you're in a loud bar or restaurant, where you have to shout to be heard, you can't tell anything by his decibel level. So wait until you're walking or driving home to see whether he's turned the volume down.
I do this, actually. Ever since I read "The Great Gatsby," in 9th grade, and learned that Daisy spoke softly to make people lean in, I have employed low-talking as a flirting tactic. It works, btw.
3. He rounds his posture
Hypermasculine body language (think: swaggering walk, standing tall with shoulders back and chin up, etc.) serves to attract women from a distance. But when a guy is talking close-up with a woman he likes, he will soften, or "round" his body language, Hartley notes. If your guy's squared shoulders cave in when he's chatting with you, he's indicating that he feels comfortable and secure in your presence.
I have never thought about this, but it makes sense. I'm keeping my eyes out for this in the future.
4. He talks slowwwly
Like birds in a mating dance, men typically talk more slowly and softly when they are attracted to someone, Hartley explains. Of course, if he knocked back a few gigante lattes on a first date, he may be too wired (and nervous) to sound like Barry White, but give it time: If his speech starts to make you feel sleepy, he's a goner.
I like this, what girl doesn't like a nice sultry man? Preferably southern. Like Harry Connick, Jr. Yummy!
5. He can't take his eyes off you (in a good way)
So his eyes are locked on yours? As long as it isn't a psycho stare, but rather a lingering, heavy-lidded, "Wow, you're amazing" gaze, that guy is digging you big-time, Harley says.
It can be hard to distinguish a "psycho stare" sometimes... Recently, I thought a guy was giving me a "psycho stare," but it turns out, that's just the way he looks!
…and 5 signs your date isn't into you
1. He's four feet away
If his motto may as well be The Police's "Don't Stand So Close to Me", he's not feelin' you romantically, Hartley says. How do you define "distance"? "If he remains four feet or more away from you, it is a clear signal that his heart's not in it," says Hartley.
Doi. Remember "doi?" From the 80's?
2. He stands at an oblique angle facing you
"Most men do not realize that when talking to another man, we stand at oblique angles, with one shoulder facing the other's face, yet when we talk to women — especially ones we're interested in romantically — we stand face-to-face with them," Hartley says. If your guy's shoulder is pointing in the direction of your face during conversation, he's subconsciously showing disinterest or is trying to turn you off, Hartley explains.
Seems obvious, but not something I have tuned into before. My arts of perception have been failing me!
3. He sounds like that guy in accounting
If your date is talking to you like you're someone at the office — meaning the pace is quick and the level of his voice is rather strong — "he's probably just trying to keep it to friend level," Hartley says. With time, you might notice a change — after all, he just might want to keep it "professional" on the first date or two while he gets to know you — but if it remains this way after a few dates, cut your losses.
Umm, yeah. I've had to talk to someone like I worked in accounting before... It worked.
4. He stares at your mouth
When a guy focuses on your lips, what he's really trying to do is avoid eye contact, Hartley explains. "If he's avoiding eye contact, you can pretty safely assume he's not into you," he asserts. If your date fixes his gaze below your face, he's probably interested in you, but perhaps not for a long-term relationship, if you know what we mean…
So... maybe my "lips-eyes, lips-eyes" move isn't the best? I don't know, when used properly, I have had a 97% rate of return on a kiss. "The 'bend-and-snap!' Works every ti-me!"
5. He's out of sync with your body language
When a guy is romantically interested in you, he will mimic your body language, so if he doesn't copy you, gesture for gesture, odds are he isn't smitten, Hartley says. To test the waters, try leaning in closer to your date, using your hands to emphasize what you're saying. If your guy does the same, it's a great sign. But if he keeps his hands still, pulls away or takes a step backwards, he may be unavailable or just plain not interested.
Interesting... Makes sense. Next time I'm on a date, I think I'll make some really strange gestures just to see what he does...
Monday, August 11, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Guys Gone Wild: 12, er, 8 Months of the Men of Wrigley Field
The men at the Cub's game sure liked their shirts off... Somehow, my camera only managed to catch the semi-attractive ones, perhaps because I didn't think of this idea until half-way through. My 50-year-old Italian jokingly told me I was a horndog. Whatev, it was all for the sake of comedy. Behold...
Rub-a-dub-dub...
We've seen him before.
Hello! Not bad on the eyes...
Hi five! I'm half-naked!
David goes, "did you get that guy?" I replied, "it was my pleasure;)"
Grody tatoo
Sideways hat guy, what're ya? Eminem?
Mr. Ben Dover
Rub-a-dub-dub...
We've seen him before.
Hello! Not bad on the eyes...
Hi five! I'm half-naked!
David goes, "did you get that guy?" I replied, "it was my pleasure;)"
Grody tatoo
Sideways hat guy, what're ya? Eminem?
Mr. Ben DoverI wanted to get this real chubby guy, and use him as Mr. December, because to be half-naked in Chicago in winter would require a good layer of fluff. Alas, I missed that opportunity. I know you are sorry to miss that one.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Dear NM:
I love you, Neimans, but can you please stop propagating this horrible, flesh-eating virus on the population? Now, I know, you are not the only retailer carrying Uggs, but you are the only one lately emailing me about them. And so, to you, my plea is composed and through you, by proxy, to your co-conspirators. Uggs have not been cool since, like, 2003. And don't think just because you are charging so much for them that I am going to be blinded into believing they are fashionable. Just because that piece of poop is wrapped in foil doesn't mean I'm going to buy it.
Hugs,
Maigen
PS: is something really, really wrong going on with her legs? Isn't the stretched-out one facing away from us? And the crossed one appears to be crossed in front? No? I realize you probably had to throw this model off a very tall building, thus rendering her unconscious, and broken, to force her little legs into the Uggs in the first place... she being in the fashion industry and all, and knowing that Uggs are a wart on the foot of humanity, as she does. But, don't you think the broken legs is really taking this thing too far? Just lets the Uggs go, man. Let them go. They have served their purpose. It's over.
Hugs,Maigen
PS: is something really, really wrong going on with her legs? Isn't the stretched-out one facing away from us? And the crossed one appears to be crossed in front? No? I realize you probably had to throw this model off a very tall building, thus rendering her unconscious, and broken, to force her little legs into the Uggs in the first place... she being in the fashion industry and all, and knowing that Uggs are a wart on the foot of humanity, as she does. But, don't you think the broken legs is really taking this thing too far? Just lets the Uggs go, man. Let them go. They have served their purpose. It's over.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Chicago, Day 3
Part 3 of 3, if only because day 4 was spent sleeping in and getting a cab to the airport... So, this is the last installment of my Chicago trip (oh, yeah, aside from my "Guys Gone Wild: The Men of Wrigley Field 12-month digital calendar"... forgot about that. Look out for that.) 
LOOK to the cookie!
University of Chicago area. I like it, even though it may be a little ghetto.
The coolest train station... Not sure why it's so yellow in this pic, it's actually really blue.
Us on a rad 2-story train.
"The thing about McDonald's is, it's like the Church. It's the same everywhere you go," says David, the philosopher.
"The Bean," an amorphous blob of metal that looks like an alien life form, or maybe an alien ship.
Inside "the bean." You can see me taking a pic, I'm almost in the middle, with a big yellow purse.
The amazing Pritzker Pavilion. I randomly stumbled across a symphony performance.
So awesome!
In Millennium Park
Window shopping... Ahhh! Chanel!
On the way down to the beach...
Guy playing the sax in the tunnel on the way to the beach. I had a clearer shot of this, but I prefer this one. Seems artsy.
LOVE the beach! The city is right there! The breeze and sand were cool, but it was just warm enough. Perfect. And I don't usually like beaches.
What? I like it. I think I'll submit this the the Art Institute Museum. Goes with "Lucas."
I got in the water... or, my feet did. It was kind of cold.
Self explanatory.
I grafittied the city. Just kidding.
The walk home... Awesome!
Mecca.
The doorman wasn't there when I got home, so I found this awesome little park behind the building, and sat on this big green hill, looking at the water, talking to Krissy, and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes (even though I was wearing OFF! I don't know why they are so into me. I wish men were as into me as mosquitoes.)
LOOK to the cookie!
University of Chicago area. I like it, even though it may be a little ghetto.
The coolest train station... Not sure why it's so yellow in this pic, it's actually really blue.
Us on a rad 2-story train.
"The thing about McDonald's is, it's like the Church. It's the same everywhere you go," says David, the philosopher.
"The Bean," an amorphous blob of metal that looks like an alien life form, or maybe an alien ship.
Inside "the bean." You can see me taking a pic, I'm almost in the middle, with a big yellow purse.
The amazing Pritzker Pavilion. I randomly stumbled across a symphony performance.
So awesome!
In Millennium Park
Window shopping... Ahhh! Chanel!
On the way down to the beach...
Guy playing the sax in the tunnel on the way to the beach. I had a clearer shot of this, but I prefer this one. Seems artsy.
LOVE the beach! The city is right there! The breeze and sand were cool, but it was just warm enough. Perfect. And I don't usually like beaches.
What? I like it. I think I'll submit this the the Art Institute Museum. Goes with "Lucas."
I got in the water... or, my feet did. It was kind of cold.
Self explanatory.
I grafittied the city. Just kidding.
The walk home... Awesome!
Mecca. The doorman wasn't there when I got home, so I found this awesome little park behind the building, and sat on this big green hill, looking at the water, talking to Krissy, and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes (even though I was wearing OFF! I don't know why they are so into me. I wish men were as into me as mosquitoes.)Glorious! Now you know why I am in love with Chicago!! And I think the "Guys Gone Wild" will give you even more of an idea! (Kidding, but it will be funny.)
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