It's still rock n' roll to me...

My sources tell me that after New Year's Eve, the historic (or, maybe no so historic, but definitely fun) Deep Ellum area of Dallas is being re-zoned, forcing the clubs in the area to close. Is this true? Is it a marketing ploy to get a good turn-out for New Year's Eve? Who knows, but mom and Bob went to a meeting on behalf of "Lost Letters to Santa" about their New Year's gig (it's them and like 5 other bands, playing in Deep Ellum), and that is what they were told by the club owners of "TomKats," which sounds like a strip-club, but actually is not. TomKats is relocating to Addison after this momentous evening. If anyone wants to come out and be a part of the last big night in Deep Ellum, tickets are $10, and the show should be good. Even if you just come to see LLTS, and then proceed with other new Year's festivities, it will be worth it!

"He'll cry himself to sleep tonight on his huge pilla..."

Sleepless in D Town.

Somehow my feather pillow always compresses itself from fluffy to a brick under my head. What's that all about?
Which reminds me...

"How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak."

- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy

Who knew there were so many good pillow quotes out there? And I didn't even try...

Weekend Update with M Hizzle

Why is it that as soon as they open their mouth to speak, they are just such idiots, no matter how normal and cute they my appear on the outside? Blah. (You know of whom I speak, but in case you need me to spell it out for you: m-e-n.)
So, Dallas is okay. I live with my younger (engaged) sister (and her fiance, basically). It's weird to be the third wheel in your own house. The other thing about Dallas is the weather. I guess it's "nice" here, but can't it just cool down for real? Also, the weather is not helping my ongoing argument at work with this random guy about the non-existence of and total bologna that is "global warming." (Don't bother telling me it's real on here, seriously, don't.) Also, I suspect a higher percentage of the population are actually hillbillies imported into the city than I once thought. I seem to be surrounded by hillbillies sometimes. (If you ask me later, I'll tell you who...)
Anyway, I hate my job lots and am looking for something, well, ELSE. I have lots of things I would love to do, but none of them pay too much, sadly. Maybe I will get into publishing. I think I would be great at editing or something. Also, it would get me contacts for when I am ready to publish "The Anticool." I'm going to try another round of attempts at tv production, too. Sometimes, the job hunt is like the last thing I want to do! Can't I just be spontaneously successful?
In other news, I still shop too much, and I suspect my discount at Anthropologie will be my downfall in the end. It's my tragic flaw.
So, I weigh like a million pounds, and am trying to go walking all the time, except there is a rash of robbery cum bludgeoning-of-heads in my ritzy neighborhood (You know, Preston road, North Dallas/Plano). Apparently gangsters and hoodlums are riding buses up here, hitting people on the heads with hammers, and stealing their purses/cars, so this is hampering my efforts a smidgen.
I joined Netflix. Just thought you'd like to know. Now my house will be a sanctuary rife with plentiful Indie-films, like a film festival, but with less smelly and/or high people. Come watch one, sometime (unless I don't know you and/or you are a crazy stalker).
Oh, and I'm down to like two friends now. They keep dropping off, getting engaged, going on vacation, moving away (or being moved away from), getting too busy for me and me for them. It's like a cleanse, only depressing. Less cranberry juice. But you still love me, right?
Wow, in the re-read, I sound really depressed. I'm not, really, I'm just worn out already from the holidays (retail, oh, how I love you... not!) and extra hormonal or something. I'm even all broken out, again. I am so over zits! I had pretty good skin as a teenager, come back to me! I think the "weather change" is also contributing to its unlovely-ness.
Now, to end on a happy note, the Cowboys won tonight against the Packers! Woo-hoo!

Nice outfit!

Here's at least one FMOTW for ya:

No, not me, although I don't look particularly fashionista here (my cute jacket is in the car), my main complaint is the raglan, baseball-style grey and red tee under a blue satin dress... Seriously? I mean... seriously?!

PS: like my vintage mock-croc purse?

PPS: I just noticed the girl in the background in a hoodie and boy-short panties. Perhaps I should be FMOTW-ing her...

LOVE a good hat!

Don't I look wintry?

Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra, Ra Ra Ra Ra

Georgia and I put up our Christmas tree today! I am going to try to get into the Christmas spirit, even though the holiday mantra of my customers, as per usual (see "my pet peeves," to the left) seems to be "'tis the season to be grouchy..."

Movies I want to see:

In the theater:
Bella
Juno
Enchanted
Beowulf
Michael Clayton
Atonement
Love in the Time of Cholera
Into the Wild
August Rush
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Sweeny Todd
Fred Clause
Margot at the Wedding

To rent:
Waitress
The Queen
The Agronomist
Fracture
La Vie en Rose
Amazing Grace
Good Night, and Good Luck
Capote
The Good Shepherd
The Pianist
Death at a Funeral
The Number 23
Brick
The Godfathers (all four in the series, I think it is?)

Anyone have any recommendations? Or critiques of any of these?

"Clooney 2008"

Kerry:
I've been meaning to tell you... when asked who the current President of the United States is, a little boy in my class (sadly, not RK) asked, "How do you spell Clooney?"
Ahhhhh, yes. Wouldn't that be nice!
Me:
Kerry, what a great idea that republicans and democrats alike can agree on (or at least the women of the groups): "Clooney for President!!"

Okay... after writing this post, I googled "Clooney 2008" more as a joke than anything, and there are a whole bunch of web pages devoted to just that! Awesome! Check this out:
http://www.cafepress.com/clooney08
They have shirts and stickers and everything. It's a real thing!

Hilarious!

I work with a guy who may be the adult equivalent to "Random Kid." He's really funny and well, random.
Today, he was helping this family, and one of the women was really pregnant. I didn't hear what happened right before this, but I tuned in about the time he was saying to the pregnant girl, very nonchalantly, "... do you need to go the the restroom? Maybe it's happening."
"it's happening" meaning birth. As he went about his little duties helping them out, the entire family was laughing hysterically. It was great. I wish you could have heard him.

I am thankful for, among many other things:

• my fabulous, HILARIOUS family
• amazing friends scattered literally all over the world
• a car that I may not actually like, but hasn't failed me yet (apparently making the "responsible choice" has paid off)
• my cute apartment
• my religion
• cold weather (and a sprinkling of snow today, that didn't stick)
• my talents
• not being 30 (yet...)
• Walter and Jojo
• the "kid's table"
  
• health
• cute glasses
• the Dallas Cowboys (but not the cheerleaders, ick! Talk about a step in the wrong direction for womankind. Just, like, put on more than a bikini, girl! To them I will use the opposite chastisement from my norm: "you know it's winter, right? Or at least not 95 degrees?")
  
• great films
• good books
• the song "Buried in Your Backyard"
• my violet tights
• "Random Kid" from my friend Kerry's blog
  
• fleece pants
• apple-tart-thingys
  

Happy Thanksgiving, yo!

For those of us who also like a little ham on this special day, here is one of my all-time favorite "actual items" from Conan O'Brien... and that's saying a lot. I actually had to find it in the archives all the way back in January 2006. But it's so worth it! Enjoy!


Wait, it's an ad for a ham? What's that say?

Oh, yeah. LOVE it!

Accomplished. Yep, that's me!

So, I just finished transcribing all the portions of my novel that had yet to be in any one data-base. It was hours of long work, but now all 114 pages are together in MS Word at last! No more pages and pages of hard-copy in various fonts (yes, some pages even from an actual typewriter!) with scribbled notes and edits.
Although I am disappointed to realize it was not yet the 130-140 pages I was hoping for, at least now I can get to work writing new stuff, and finally, be creative again!!
My goal is to complete it by the end of the year (which means cranking out another 100-150 pages in a month and 10 days, so forgive me if my social life goes to pot), find a publisher, and get on Oprah. Then I can just become a full-time writer/doer of all things creative!

Injustice

Apparently, GEC was beaten out by Matt "Chihuahua" Damon this year as "People's Sexiest Man on Earth." Yeah, right. I can tell you who's not bringin' sexy back: Matt Damon.
Look at George up there and tell me you don't suddenly get the irresistible urge to lick your computer screen.

Huh?

So, apparently your feet grow when you are pregnant, and often never return to their original size.
Not that I am prego, nor will I be at any conceivable point in the near (or far) future, but on the record, can I just say that I have invested too much money, time, and love in my shoes to out-grow them.
Now is when I pout.

Say 'no' to...

Well, you know.

Even if you are Heidi Klum, unquestionably one of the cutest Germans in America of our time.

An extra-special congrats!

To my friends Kerry and Dalles on their engagement! Fabulous, dah-lings!

Oh, and just wanted to say, "I knew it!"
Oh, and also, can we call you "KerDal" or "DalKer," like the infamous "TomCat" or "Bennifer"?!? Because I think that would be way fun!
**Ahh, yes, as Wee Kerry pointed out in her comment, I did start the magical ball rolling with an introduction between the two of them... Yet another couple I have facilitated marriage for, while I remain single! Not that I mind, they are all adorable couples, but I think it's time that they all start giving back. I mean, to me. Like, let's start with giving me a husband. A handsome (think GEC), intelligent (you know, Mensa qualified), funny (similar to Jim Gaffigan in wit), rich (2 mil a year ought to do it) husband... Everyone, get to work! ;)

If I can do it, YOU can do it!

If I ever have a store, instead of those signs that say "employees must wash hands," I am going to post signs that say "EVERYBODY must wash hands."
Every time I am in a public restroom, I make a big to-do about washing my hands, thinking that, perhaps, my good example will rub off on others. I find that, no, it usually doesn't. You would be surprised how many women don't wash their hands, but just breeze by me as if they are off to more important things. What could that possibly be? What is more important?
Because from where I stand, even if you didn't pee on your hands, even if you flushed with your foot (a neurotic person's must), you still had to touch the door. And even if you are a spectacular freak of nature, with absolutely no disease-causing germs of your own, I promise you that somebody touched that door with disgusting on their hands. 'Disgusting what?' You ask. 'I don't wanna know,' I answer.
And I know it's worse with men. Yeah, I know you "didn't pee on your hands" (supposedly, but I know how messy y'all are and how it can be a challenge to even hit the huge hole in the toilet sometimes) but you still touched your 'yeah,' and that's dirty enough for me. Ick. I know what some of your showering habits are like. I know you are often less-than-hygienic.
Okay, so back to my sign. Basically, at this point in my life, if I see a "lady" not wash her hands, I memorize who she is, and basically avoid her in whatever store we have the misfortune to be frequenting at the same time. If it's at my work, and she comes to my counter for help, I will let someone else assist her. I will leave the department if I have to.
In my future, hypothetical store, the sinks in my bathrooms will be monitored. If you don't wash, you will be politely escorted from the premises, taking extra care that you do not touch any item or surface, or especially, me. You know 'you break it , you buy it?'
'You get your pee-or-whatever hands on it, you buy it.' Maybe that should be another sign throughout the store... Hmm....

I'm getting sick...

Boo:(

"Project Runway" is back!

Hoorah!
I love the show, I love Tim Gunn! And there are some seriously freaky designers on this season! And some I think I'll love... It's just too soon to tell!
It feels like Christmas Eve!

Someone at some corporate office somewhere is laughing his butt off right now...

This is an ad I saw on Facebook. This is an actual ad. I ask of you, is this ad supposed to make me want to buy this dress, or gouge my eyes out? Which is it? American Apparel must be in cahoots with eye-surgeons everywhere. And, frankly, there is nothing American or even USAmerican about it.
Someone was good enough to, first of all, sell this wretched design to some company to manufacture them. Super awesome salesman, I tell ya.
Then, someone actually went through with the sewing and labor and cutting of fabric to make them. Those sweat-shop workers must have thought the dresses were hilarious... I can only imaging that comedian George from textiles putting one on over his button-down shirt and slacks, dancing around on the assembly floor with his oft-used prop, the glittery see-through hula-hoop...
Then, someone photographed what I can only assume is a skinny model wearing granny panties in the dresses. And got paid for it.
Someone at an ad company thought this was a great ad to try and market the dresses. Oh, and as an example of how fabulous all "40" designs they offer must be. "Well, if they look anything like that, I really have to look! They must all be equally as fabulous!"
And now, several of these "someones" are having the last laugh.
Or, maybe I am.
Because somebody invested money in a dress (in several colors, I can only assume) that makes even Ms. Skinny Pouty Face Model here look rolly. And grotesque. If that size 0, I'm-so-small-I'm-not-even-there girl looks like that, just picture Ms. Average USA walking around with everything out. No, thank you. American Apparel, you got served.

PS: You totally need to click to enlarge the image. It's even better real big.

It's still summer...

So, I've been out walking the past few days during the day (as opposed to the more regular night-walking) and it is still bloody hot. I am actually a bit sunburned. It has been like 83 degrees and that is not acceptable for November. I'm sorry, it just isn't.
I know, 'this is Texas!' and 'that's what Texas is for!' etc, but I don't care. Give me fall! I don't want cold, but I would like to go walking in something besides a tank top and shorts! I have lots of cute work-out pants and jackets that are feeling neglected!
Fall is probably my favorite season. I need it.
And don't cite global warming to me, people. I know that whole racket is a myth and nothing but mumbo-jumbo.
Oh, and one more thing... I went into work the other day, when I was off, to take care of an errand. It was 83 degrees out. I was very comfortable in my nike shorts, tank, little terry jacket, and flip-flops (this was pre-walk). This lady I work with was literally wearing a turtle-neck, fleece jacket, jeans, and knit cap. Umm... once again, to this I say, "you know it's not winter, right?" Before, at least it was about 60-70 degrees out (when I wrote my original complaint about the hyperness [yeah, that's a non-word] of Texans bundling up as if it were a tundra), but this affront was just too much. I realize the calendar says November. But, take a look around you, lady. It's still summer.

Let's get physical, physical...

I walked six miles today.
Just call me "the little engine that could."
Now, if I could just give up coca-cola classic...

Kafka is weird.

So, I finished "The Metamorphosis" in like, one day, and have yet to read the other short stories in my book. "The Metamorposis" was pretty gross. Especially the part about the apple. Ick! And, I think Kafka's general theme of failure is not something I need right now.
I started "Love in the Time of Cholera," and so far, it seems good. The writing is at least good, which made sense when I realized how long its author has been writing. And, it was published in 1988. None of that crappy-modern-author-who-writes-like-a-fourth-grader stuff. Yay!
I'll let you know what I think when I am finished.

Who hates their bank?

I do!
I totally un-recommend Wells Fargo.
Wells Fargo is the devil.
Thought you might like to know.
Here is a poem to Wells Fargo:

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
If you're not the suckiest bank I've ever had,
I don't know what is.

Kill Hill

This is from an ad online for an (undoubtedly liberal, global-warming touting) online newsreel. I know someone just took two pictures and grafted them together, so this moment never really happened.
But, if it had, doesn't it look like Obama is about to go 'tae kwon do' on her crazy-happy-perhaps-high-on-recreational-drugs a**? Or, like he is holding his newly removed silk tie behind her, and is about to choke her out?
Come on, Obama. Do it.

Ladies first

Today I saw this guy walking around in a tee-shirt that said "Southern Miss." Just take a second to think about that.
Now, I know that's a college. Southern Mississippi, or maybe Southern Missouri, does it matter? It's some college in one of the states in the Union where the providers of dental work could still afford to probe deeper.
I know it's a college, but what your shirt says is "Southern Miss," just real big across the front.
I almost burst out laughing... Not only is this guy a lady, but he's a "southern miss." That's the kind of lady that sips lemonade, wears extra-wide-brimmed straw hats, and says things like (with a sweet voice and a southern accent), "now, us blondes, being more fair, have eyes that are more sensitive to the sun. So, we always need to wear sunglasses so that we don't get wrinkles from squinting. Because we don't want wrinkles do we? Wrinkles aren't pretty." (That is what my grandmother, a definite "southern miss" told me at age five.)
Dude, man up! You like the school, great. Find a shirt that doesn't proclaim a gender. Especially a gender that is not your own and sounds especially fruity.

The Seven Habits of Highly Defective People

(Hey, that's the title of my next novel, don't steal it.)

My upstairs neighbors were apparently having a knock-down, drag-out fight (or something equally as loud) last night, and we (and by we, I mean my future brother-in-law) called the cops. So, after the 5-0 came, the guys spent the entire night trying their darndest to keep us awake, stomping around, slamming and throwing what I can only assume were bowling balls on the floor, et al.

Dude, if we called the cops once, best be on your best behavior. Next time maybe you'll be smoking your pot when they show up... Who knows? I might just plan it that way.

And if I lose any more sleep, the less-beautiful side of me might show up. I haven't seen not-so-rested-Maigen in a while, but I think she looks kind of like that girl in "The Ring" whose hair is always in her face.

Forgot your broom, eh?

So close to Halloween, perhaps you should not dye your tragically stringy, frizzy hair jet-black. A lady at my work did. I swear, I was staring at it the break-room thinking, "is it? No, it can't be, surely... It is! It's not... Is that thing a 75% off witch wig or what?"

Three words:

Yabba. Dabba. Do.

Clearance!

When I was a little girl, I though 'daylight savings time' was a huge sale... I imagined everyone running around, "you better hurry, as soon as it's dark, you won't save!"
Just this year, I learned it's actually called 'daylight saving time.' Which actually makes more sense. But who calls it that? Wouldn't you think someone was way off if they called it that?

Ahhh... Anthropologie

Have you ever been somewhere and the moment you step inside, with a deep, cleansing (and sometimes flowery, warm) breath, you feel like you are home? All is right with the world, you are centered, and everywhere you look, there's beauty?
That's Anthropologie. My favorite store. Even the smell is gorgeous. It's more of an experience than a store.
So, I got a (super-duper) part-time job there. For the discount. Now, 40% might seem like a miracle. But, I have worked there in the past, and I am going to have to work extra hard to make sure that saving 40% does not = spending 100% of my money there.
For now, I am just looking forward to making outfits for people, and to making one or two for myself (all within a budget, Bob.) The extra money will be my shopping money. See, how optimistic is that?
I look pretty in whimsical retro clothes...

How does a FACE make a BOOK?

So, I joined "facebook," at the bidding of several friends who were already on there. Okay, given the rise of that type of communication, I admit it is one of the better choices. It's less scary/sleazy than "myspace," and is more private. (Although, I am also on "myspace," and probably never would have found my fourth grade crush otherwise... Not that we hang out.)
Although I have re-connected with some old friends (who David tells me I will talk to the one time, will add as friends, and then never talk to again), I have to rank "facebook," "myspace," "ldslinkup," etc up there with text messaging as far as the value of the communication.
Isn't this type of thing (even blogging, which I am doing at this very moment) just a way for us to see what our friends are up to without actually communicating? It's like the lazy-man's conversation. Except that there is no response on the other side. Or, at least, not one in real-time.
I am just as guilty of not calling because I can just read a blog or something as everyone else. But, it just adds to my theory that eventually we will no longer actually speak. I think it just exerts too much energy. All the strain on the vocal chords, the work to form certain sounds with our tongues and lips, the picking up of the heavy phone and dialing a friend using speed-dial. Or, worse, getting in a car and driving ourselves over there.
Plus, and I do not condone stalking, but have you noticed how easy it is to "check up" on everyone with these web-sites? I feel like a stalker or something just reading their feeds.

D-Day

Tomorrow is officially the last day of my vacation. Boo. I am dreading work already. Although I have missed the alien customers, unintelligent, smelly creatures that they are. Who else am I gonna find to feel superior to? (Just kidding, the customer is always right, and all that mumbo-jumbo.)
I have enjoyed my time off. I saw some beautiful movies, wrote a lot, got a little job at Anthropologie (for a lovely discount), spent time with friends old and new, and just this evening watched my Mavs win a basketball game (yes, I sound sporty, what's it to ya?), although I was sad not to see DJ there with them. His arms are like tree-trunks. Alas, he is no longer a Maverick.
On a happier note, I am making a pact with you people that even though I am going back to work, I am still going to work on my novel several hours a week. I am really excited about it and a new idea for it that is sure to get me on 'Oprah.'
When I do meet the high priestess of monotone loud-talking, I am also going to ask her for a car.
Thanks, Oprah!

On fruitcake...

"You'd think that'd be good. Fruit: good. Cake: great. Fruitcake: nasty crap. What's the recipe for fruitcake, anyway? Anything but fruit? You take a bite, you're like, (chewing noises) 'what's this... a skittle? Wait, is that a seed? What's that, a treasure map?'"
-Jim Gaffigan

5 stars.

I have to give snaps to, in no particular order:

* Jason Schwartzman for being a lot cuter than I thought. Also amazing acting.

* Adrian Brody for having a surprisingly sweet angel face upon closer inspection. Very expressive. Quite beautiful in a non-sexual way.

* Wes Anderson for one of his best films yet. It was lovely. Nice emotions, pretty story, very sad.

* Owen Wilson for letting them make him look extra-bad.

* Leslie and Gerry for sitting through it. I think they were bored and didn't see a point. I am used to slow movies. It's what I go in for.

* Random snap #1: To Alex for having a black marble globe and Georgio Armani book.

*Random snap #2: To David for cleaning up the world, one piece of trash at a time.

(That actually ends up looking like 7 stars, doesn't it?)

Yum! Sushi.

Pregnant people can't eat sushi. Yet another reason not to get pregnant.