2008, over already?

Here are a few tidbits from this year:

* I finished my book. And, based on critiques in my writers' group, it is excruciating.

* "The Visitor," "In Bruges," and "Slumdog Millionaire" are my fave films of 2008.

* I moved into an amazing apartment, which I now have to move out of because my sister is

getting married (to an awesome guy). Great for her, not great for my living situation. Thanks, Tara Reid. (Tara Reid has nothing to do with it, but since she's the devil, I thought it

would be fun to always be like, "thanks, Tara Reid," whenever anything bad happens.)

* I got really, really sick of hearing the phrase "going green." Pretty much only use that phrase
if you want me to completely tune you out.
* I visited the fabulous city of Chicago for the first time, and fell in love with it. And the
maniacal Cubs fans.
* Jim Gaffigan's and my meeting was not as miraculous as I'd hoped. Instead of angels singing
down, and light from heaven, he was a dud. And, we weren't allowed to take a picture with
him. What gives, Gaff?!

* I had one half-assed marriage proposal.

* Patent leather and I are still on exceptionally good terms. It is one of my favorite classics and
I just can't seem to get enough of it. 2008 was a great year for me and patent leather!
* I finally got that job in marketing that I had been coveting forever, and I like it quite a bit.
Yes, it will do fine until that magical tv production job opens up.
* Somebody wore this!
* I stayed really pretty;)
Happy New Year's, people! And now, I commence my 11-day vacation!!!

I was sad to learn...

That lame-o new Kate Hudson movie, "Bride Wars," opens on my birthday. Way to tarnish my "special day."
Of course, the only thing special about this year's b-day is the uninvitation to the singles' ward. "Welcome to the outer darkness of dating, oh ye unmarriable..."
Just kidding. I just think it's funny.
Oh, and btw, I checked out my family ward this Sunday. But that's a whole different post. A post that may or may not include

• a giant 40s-era flower on my head that alienated, well, everyone
• two nice families
• one relative's ex, who was very nice
• snubbing by at least 4 people who knew me, saw me, and completely ignored me

This is gonna be fun...

Do you like my new background?

I'm not sure if it's gaudy enough... :)

Midnight Sun

Last night, I woke up in the early am hours, thinking, 'why the hell is my room so bright? Is it day?!'
I sat up, directing my sleepy eyes toward the source of the unyielding light. It was the blue 'on/off' light on my Dish Network receiver. Great, now Dish is starting to even effect me when I am not watching tv.
That light was similar to
A) the sun.
B) that eye from "Lord of the Rings."
I hate Dish Network.

Five.

Only five more days of work until my short, magical vaca. Granted, two of those days are the two days after Christmas.
Let the bloodbath begin.
Oh, and Merry Christmas. Hope it was fabulous.

Here is why my sister's new boyfriend fits right in with our family...

And this is a true story. So don't go thinking I got really creative and funny all of a sudden. Those things I may be, but this story is so good, the comedic timing is so perfect, that my story-telling abilities (which I have been honing for a mere 30 years) are nowhere near sharp enough to concoct a tale woven so magnificently. I just hope I can do it justice.
Begin.


Evren's mother came over to clean up his apartment one day. In the straitening of his room, she found a new, unopened package of underwear that he had purchased on the run. He had not closely inspected the style of the underwear until that evening, upon returning home and finding them laid out on his bed.
(Which brings to mind the Seinfeld where Jerry is trying to talk dirty and says "You mean the panties your mother laid out for you" and completely freaks the girl out...)
They were man-thongs. At which point, Evren became convinced that his mother had become convinced he was gay.
("Not that there's anything wrong with that," Seinfeld would say, in the episode where he is outed to all of New York, but isn't gay. [This story is rife with Seinfeld-isms, which is one thing Evren and I have in common... I doubt he even watches it.] Typically, no matter how liberal and open-minded they may be, strait guys do not like to be mistaken as gay. From what I can tell. If you're strait, you don't generally want your mother thinking you're gay. And I think that's a fairly reasonable desire.)

So, not long after the panties incident, Evren arrives at the airport to pick up mom and dear old grams from a trip. As he waits curb-side, back door open awaiting mom, a transvestite slides into the car, I can only assume she thought it was a cab. "Step on it," she says.
Evren, thinking fast, and moving even faster (he is a professional kick-boxer, after all), grabs the tranny by her shoulders and pulls her from the car. She storms off in a huff (and although I was not there, I imagine her saying things like, "why, I never," and "baby, if you didn't like me, all you had to do was say so," or perhaps, if she was an angry tranny, "b****, I will cut you!"), and not a moment too soon, because here comes mom and his sweet granny.
On the road again. Evren breathes a sigh of relief, mom didn't see the tranny. Mom doesn't have more evidence that he is gay (even though he's not).
His relief is fleeting, however. He sees in the floorboard of the backseat a pair of high heels! Why, he had pulled that tranny right out of her shoes!
Mom is in the front seat. She had not yet seen the heels. Grandmom is in the back, remarking about the wreck on the side of the road. Evren directs their attention to something happening over there, and BAM! in one action, grabs those shoes, and tosses them out the window!
Crisis averted! Until...
Evren notices in the rear-view mirror that the BMW behind him has grabbed the shoes, and is waving them out the window, chasing him! BMW-guy is trying his darndest to help Evren out, thinking the shoes had accidentally fallen from the car.
Evren is trying to lose that BMW, weaving in and out of traffic, zig-zagging, running red lights. I imagine a scene from "The Transporter 3" during this portion of the story. Feel free to use your imagination.

Mom and grandmom are afraid, "Evren, slow down! What's the rush? You're driving crazy!" Evren explains urgently, still watching the BMW in his rear-view, "I really have to pee!"
Finally, the BMW has given up. They pull up to his house. Mom starts gathering her effects in the front seat.
And from behind him, Evren hears his grandmom say, "Where're my shoes?"

You kiss yo' momma with that mouth?!

I once "dated" (and I use that term very loosely) a guy who had gross breath. Once, I was tempted to use his toothpaste. I opened the medicine cabinet, and what to my wandering eye should appear but his (dry heave) yellow toothbrush, complete with (dry heave) food bits.
Suddenly, aside from literally gagging, things about the "relationship" started snapping into place in my mind. His terrible breath, his general half-assedness. Because, if you can't be bothered to brush properly, perhaps you are a half-asser*. (An aside: I'm not saying the toothbrush is what ended our "relationship," but... yeah, maybe it did. Of course, he got the "it's not me, it's him." Yeah, I realize that is backwards. But, when ending a not-relationship*, sometimes it's nice to go out on a high comedic note, don't ya think? ;) But that's a whole different post. Back to teeth.)
Now, other indicators aside, at least he didn't have cakey* teeth. This is what I call them. You know them, those teeth that look like they have rarely been brushed, and never flossed. Never. They are cakey. The perfectly nasty term to describe the perfectly nasty teeth.
(I mean, he had least obviously used his (dry heave) toothbrush. And used it, and used it, and used it, for what I can only assume was years. That build-up on there was definitely not the by-product of under-use. But, how 'bout a good rinse out? Or better yet, a shiny new toothbrush? They're only a couple of bucks... I'll even pick one up for you while I'm out Christmas shopping. Mail it to you with a bright red bow and a card that reads "Merry Christmas. I am giving you the gift of health. And good breath. Hope your new wife enjoys it. That is, if she hasn't taken to sleeping on the couch to avoid your night-breath, which is even worse than your day-breath.") That was mean.
Having kissed bad-breath-boy, knowing how traumatic that was, I cannot imagine (nor need I, as I will never find myself in the situation) kissing someone with cakey teeth. But people do it. How? That will forever remain a mystery.
A friend suggested that these cakey-teeth-people are probably introverts, who don't care much about appearance...
Although I agree that certainly, they do not care about appearance, may I submit that the appearance of cakey teeth is just a symptom of a much greater problem: bad oral hygiene. And there is no excuse. (Dude, if I can smell your mouth when your are four feet away from me, we got a problem... A big one.)
In a world of chaos and tumult, there is at least one thing we have control over. One thing we can quickly nip in the bud. While our nation turns to socialism, our soldiers fight overseas, our homes are foreclosed on, our ears are subjected to Jessica Simpson's country efforts, and our eyes to Nicolas Cage's "acting"... We can always control the level of our personal hygiene. Let us stand together and wage a war against the "ick" factor... and gingivitis. We can do it, people.
In the words of a forty-year-old actress cast as a high school misfit in "Grease:"
"brusha, brusha, brusha!"

*This is a new term. I claim rights to it like Paris Hilton claims "hot." Any copying, use, or reproduction of this term without the written legal consent of yours truely will result in massive fines (in the form of new pairs of Michael Kors shoes) and public ridicule.

Just do it!

http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1280.html

If you go to this web site, you can pick out a thank you card that Xerox will print send to a soldier currently serving in Iraq . It is FREE and it only takes a second. Whether you are for or against the war, our soldiers over there need to know we are behind them. This takes just 10 seconds and it's a wonderful way to say thank you. Please take the time to do this and tell your friends to do it, too. We can never thank them enough. Thanks for taking to time to support our military!

How creeped out does Marissa Tomei look?

That wax figurine Evan Rachel Wood sure is wrong...
"Say it... Out loud."
"Vampire."

Netflix, I love you.

I watched "Eagle vs. Shark" on my laptop the other night, via my Netflix Instant Queue. That is one snazzy application of Netflix, btw. I love being able to watch something right when I want to. Granted, there are not too many movies available for instant watching, but there are enough to have several choices, and I think they add more every day.

"Eagle vs. Shark" is totally bizarro. I liked it. Think "Napoleon Dynamite" in (I think) Scotland on love steroids. The only thing I hated was really close to the end, there is this crazy scene that is basically a music video involving claymation apples. It is like something from "Sesame Street." But, overall, it's cute, quirky, and has some radical track suits.

Ten

more days of work until I am off for a vaca!

Bored at work...

Because of some fairly heinous weather, tonight at work was bor-ing. My co-worker, in an effort to "learn more about our inventory," brought up the on-line store to see what was new. She was clicking through jewelry, and I saw this:

I was so blown away that I decided to put it on my blog. I mean, how awesome is this? If by some chance I do eventually find 'Mr. Right' (and I don't mean that as short for 'Mr. Right Now'), I think this is the ring that I would want. Or, a copy of it.
Anywho, I know, the mere mention of any type of ring as a 30-year-old single mo girl seems desperate and insane. I realize that this post will automatically place me in the "dying to finally get married" category for most of you. Sympathy cards are simply not necessary, though. Thank you for your concern. I am fine. I just love this bling, man. Love it. And don't want to fork over the dough to buy it for myself.

So.

1. It was like 76 degrees today. Gorgeous. And I was stuck inside for most of it. Boo.
2. I am "trying out" to be the girl singer for a jazz band this week. They play private events and parties, mostly. Wish me luck! This could be really good for me.
3. Georgia's boyfriend, Evren, is moving to Dallas tonight to be near her. From Europe. And I can't even get a guy (well, not the one I want) to call me. What's that called? Oh, right. "Loser."
4. I am going to sleep tonight, even if I have to medicate. Going on about a week with little or no sleep here, people. It's no bueno.
5. I saw "Doubt," with Meryl Streep and Phillip Seymour Hoffman (and I just realized how strange it is that he uses his middle name when it is such an ugly one). It is okay. Pretty slow, and the ending was lame. But, at least I got to see three sermons. In a movie. See it, but only if you are not tired and/or expecting to be very entertained.
6. The holidays hold no magic for me this year. Bah humbug. Retail sucks, man.
7. I am taking a stand. I hate Ed Hardy. Well, 'hate' is strong, but how about 'I find Ed Hardy to be extremely anti-climactic, over-priced, and lame-o? I am unmoved and unresponsive to the Ed Hardy trend.' They're silk-screen tee shirts. And they're ugly at that. What's the big effin' deal, anyway? Apparently, this girl's ass is also named 'Ed Hardy.'
   

Holidays, schmolidays...

I had to work today. In the store. Ugh.
I got into marketing so I could stop working in the store. But, now it's busy, and where am I? Oh, yeah, that's right, in the store.
I shouldn't gripe. Last week I was "in the store," but pretty much got to do my regular job. I just did stuff from the office instead of out around town for the most part.
But, the next two weeks promise to be, well, terrible.
Because, I will be in the store in the store, and I fear I will really be helping customers and doing all the crap that that entails.
"Tis the season to be grouchy" seems to be the mantra of most customers. And, they can't blame the recession, because they were all this grouchy last year, too, when they were rich.
So, thus begins my yearly countdown to "after the holidays."
I have 12 more work days until my January break.
I can live through 12 day of anything.

THIS IS NOT A TEST!

So, we saw this commercial less than two minutes ago. And I knew it was for me. TO LAUGH AT FOREVER, AND EVER, AND EVER!!! It is real. It is on tv. It is not an SNL skit. Score!

Funnies

Tonight I had the best luck! My friend invited me to attend Addison Improv with him, and we get there, and I'm all, "so, do you know who's playing?" And, he's all, "Jimmy Fallon."
What!
So, yeah. Saw Jimmy. He's really pretty funny. And, he sweats a lot. Like, profusely. He does AMAZING impressions of other comedians, and did a pretty genius "Can't Touch This" sing-along thing. Those are a few highlights...
Also, can I just say, the opening act was this guy:

Paul Varghese. Yeah, I had to write his name down so I wouldn't forget. He is sooooooo hilarious. I will have to try to see him again. I mean, I laughed a lot harder at him than at Jimmy. He is basically radical.

And, after the show, I saw him in the hall and basically gushed all over him about how fabulous he be. (Like that? Yep. I'm "ghetto.") He thinks I am NUTS, I am sure. And, he will more when he sees I added him on Facebook. Yep, that's right. I have no shame. Because he and his buddy (whose name I did not write down, and therefore do not remember, as I am old and do not retain details in the short-term memory anymore) who did a short set and used to be fat and seems to be in charge of the Improv thing need to be my new BFFs... Just throwing that out there into the universe in case the gods of the internets think that it is in fact, bueno.

Winter, schminter.

I've been waiting for it to get cold for so long that now I don't want it. My legs are already dry and itchy, sweaters are already boring me to pieces, and my cozy bed is even more difficult to leave in the mornings now that the air is bitterly cold.
Over it.
Moving on...

Nerves

Once again, I am wide-effin-awake in the wee small hours of the morning. And it's not like I'm not tired. I am exhausted. Again.
I am so anxious and nervous (I think) that I just can't sleep. My mind is just going, going, going. Tomorrow night, I will be taking a healthy dose of my old friend, Nyquil.
Bring it on, oh crimson elixir of delight. Sleep... Ahhh!
It's too late to take it tonight. I will be asleep until 2 pm. And I have to work.
I wish I had some outlet for all these crazy nerves. Where is my punching bag when I need it? Oh, yeah, in my parents' storage unit. Boo.
So, yes, ambiguity once again abounds in this post. Hopefully soon I will be less guarded. But, who knows? Maybe in my old age I am becoming a more private person? Could be a good thing.
So, I'm not telling you the disease, but I can share my symptoms: insomnia, nervousness, and impatience. And optimism, goofy-head-in-the-clouds-iness, and lots of smiling. But don't read too much into this, eh.

Fashion Police

Buzz, your girlfriend, 'woof:'

PA, I didn't realize I could actually like you less. But, yep, you managed to do it. I'd say you look like a homeless person, but that would be an insult to many actual homeless people. Who wear pants.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout:

Cate, I have always thought you were just fabulous. And that quiz I took once that said my celebrity personality twin was you just made me like you more. But, then, you show up in this, and it makes me question how alike we could possibly be. None of my clothes require hinges.
And, umm, your spanx are showing.

Nick & Norah's

I know two people who, upon seeing this post, might disown me as a friend, but I gotta admit, I kind of liked "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist."

Yeah.

No, it wasn't life-changing. It certainly didn't make me think, or feel anything. But, it was cute, and entertaining. And considering that it was a buck at the dollar theater, it wasn't much of an investment. Now, I will admit that the ex-girlfriend of the George Michael character sucked, and the Caroline character was disgusting, and the gum was a major, major issue for me. One scene in particular involving throw-up, a toilet, a phone, and gum was literally unwatchable. It took about one second of that for me to cover my eyes for the duration. However, Michael Cera is always adorable, the gay teen boys were fun in that 'girlfriends' way, and well, I laughed a couple of times. I did take issue with the parents of these high schoolers assumably being okay with them staying out all night long in NYC, and the teens getting into clubs by knowing all the bouncers, and drinking at bars, because that all seemed a little unbelieveable. But, whatev. It was cute. I think I recommend it.

Hmm.

Sheryl Crow came out with a Christmas cd, apparently? I can't think of a better way to celebrate the season than listening to her (I'm sure) charming renditions of some of the classics...
Not.

I'm thinking about changing my message...

What do you think?!

Where's the love, Gaff?

Georgia: Why no flash photography? Does the flash give you a sunburn? It does that to me, too.
Jim Gaffigan (doesn't crack a smile): Ha, yeah. Nice to meet you, Georgia.
(My turn)
Me: Oh, man, the show was so funny! You made me do the 'old man weezer laugh,' which is the manifestation of the throes of comic ecstasy!
JG (with not even a titter, or smile): Oh, yeah. Thanks for coming to the show, nice to meet you...

Huh? Dude, Georgia and I were both funny, or at least clever. What happened? You tired? You sick of people trying to be funny with you?
I'm still glad I met you, but am ticked at the 'no photos' rule, and depressed by your strange, less-than-cordial behavior. Oh, well. Still love you, man. Even though you were a robot at the 'meet and greet.' I just expected some crazy fun banter. The cute press guy was over there smiling tons at my slightly crazy, but clearly witty comment.
Guess you can't be on all the time. Even though I am... ;)

Jim Gaffigan, here I come!

Dear Jim Gaffigan,
I greatly look forward to seeing you perform tonight, in Austin, TX; where I will have checked into a one-star hotel (unless Priceline.com works out for a steal... look what I am willing to do for you, Jim!) and gouged myself on pancakes at the local eatery, which I know you would appreciate. "You can't have cake for breakfast. You're having fried cake, with syrup."
I hope your "Sexy tour" is even half as funny as "Beyond the Pale" was. I have that one memorized. I need some new material. The one-liners I have been passing off as my own and the long diatribes that no one gets but me (or my sister if she happens to be standing there) therefore making me laugh alone, at myself, but really at you, are getting dusty. Oldies but goodies, sure. I still need some new stuff.
I hope I get to meet you in the lobby, and that your "meet and greet" happens tonight. Even though it will be like, midnight.
I hope I will be zoomed in on by the camera-guys, as you are filming for your Comedy Central special. I will look extra-gorgeous, and laugh extra-big just in hopes of making it into the final cut. This face was made for television.
I hope that you are not put off (at the "meet and greet") by the fact that I am *wearing a wedding dress, just in case...
Jim, mostly, I hope that when we meet, I can say something funny, and that in the heat of the moment, it is not something I unwittingly stole from you. Gosh, how embarrassing would that be?
I also hope that I don't have a laughing-so-hard-I-actually-pee-myself problem tonight. Hasn't really happened before, but I have heard of this thing happening to people. That would suck. I do, however, often laugh so hard I cry, and in certain, especially hilarious situations (the first time I watched the "Beyond the Pale" dvd, for instance) because of the sheer amount of tears, smear my make-up all over my face. I hope I can control the make-up situation.
I also hope that you are a wee bit paler than I, but somehow I doubt it.
Yours,
M


*Not really, white is not my color. Washes me out.

Another WINNER

"Slumdog Millionaire..." What can I say? I am in love with this movie!!! I mean, I loved the whole thing. And the closing credits are the best thing ever. See it, see it, see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, see it. You will not regret it. Top 2 movies of 2008. With "The Visitor." A-maz-ing.

Copied from my friend's blog (verbatum, sorry)

Hi - strange request but I could use your help for a friend. She is my best (and only) friend from high school (Lori Fogarty). She has a son that was born one week before Tori (yes, we were pregnant at the same time - how fun is that? - can’t believe its been 8 ½ years). Anywho,when Richard was born he was born with Poland’s syndrome and without one of his hands and is missing the pectoral muscle on the same side. Richard is the strongest, most amazing child and kids in his class when he was in kindergarten would tuck their arms into their sleeves with only their elbow hanging out so they could “be more like Richard” because he was “so cool”.
Richard is now 8 ½ and Neiman Marcus solicited children for their ideas for the Christmas Trees in the downtown Dallas windows of Neiman’s. Richard's tree was chosen and he got the chance to work with the designers at Neimans to build his tree. His idea was to build a tree of all the gifts that Scottish Rite Hospital has given to children he has met over the years (wheelchairs, prosthetic limbs, crutches and the like). They were so impressed in working with him that Home and GardenTelevision (HGTV) recently did a story on the Neiman’s trees and wanted to interview Richard for their story.
So now … Neimans chose 6 trees and they were unveiled last week in downtown Dallas. They have opened up voting to the public for our favorite tree and well … here I am shamelessly asking you to go and vote for Richard because I know how deeply winning this would be for him. He has struggled with so many things that other little boys unknowingly take for granted and I have watched he and his family struggle and grow stronger over the years. Just last month Richard was told by one of his teachers that if she were his mother she wouldn’t have bought him tie shoes she would buy him Velcro shoes as she watched him struggle to tie his shoes on the playground. He came home in tears. He and Lori worked for literally years to learn to tie his shoes so he could wear tie shoes like his brothers and his friends. I can’t imagine how I would have reacted … but not Lori … She just told him that “Well, Richard, this is why God gave you to me - because he knew I wouldn’t sell you short. You can wear tie shoes and tie them just like all the other boys - and I am raising you to be a man and a man you are already becoming.”
I want him to win this one and I want his mom to have this win for him(and for her too). I want her to have the first place award so she can beat that crappy teacher up with it. I want it for Lori because of the challenges she has faced with the schools and our community. I have a hard time writing and talking about him because of how deeply I have experienced this struggle from the outside and how deeply I love my friend and cannot begin to imagine the strength she has had to muster for things I know I have unknowingly taken for granted as a mother.
Sorry for the diatribe but if you could help me by voting for Richard's tree on the Neimans website (notice the prosthetic hands reaching to the sky he designed at the top). I’ll keep you posted on the results (please also forward the link to those who think may vote too -FYI you can vote once a day; bookmark it if you will). Below is the link to vote.
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/service/poll.jhtml?pollCode=trees&icid=LocalStorePageTwo
(vote the 4th tree on the page)

Much under-used

I want to start saying things like:
1) "I'm so tickled." (reminds me a little of my very southern grandma)
2) "cheeky"
3) "moxie"
4) "swimmingly" (although I use this one sometimes, not enough)

I am sure there are many more, but I think these are all so cute. Any suggestions?

Covet.

Oh, Posh. Your coat and hat are goood. The glasses are good. The pants would be good if 1/2 inch shorter. I want this entire (hemmed) outfit... A lot.

Addendum to Snuggie post

1) Okay, okay, so similar products sell for $59.95
2) They are wearing them in PUBLIC!!!
3) How weird is that scene with the man and woman putting them on and standing in the living room? Awkward...
4) That book light seems pretty crappy
5) I doubt it's very safe to roast marshmallows over your stove (what's happening there?) with those big, droopy flammable "sleeves."

Similar products (read: BLANKETS) sell for up to $69.95!

Sorry, Alison, I know you already covered this, but it bears repeating... This is so weird.
They look like monks. But, really, what's wrong with a blanket? Or a robe?
"Who has the time to enjoy a robe? What're we, about to shoot a porno?" -Jim Gaffigan
All I know is, this ain't sexy on men. It's not on women, either, but I find the man on the couch who could otherwise be attractive particularly repulsive. If you're looking for a quick way to turn me off, guys, this is it!

This makes me sick.

A Wal-Mart greeter was trampled to death by shoppers stampeding to get bargains on Black Friday. People truly disgust me sometimes. (Oh, and they knocked down four other workers who were trying, in vain, to save him... And they kept shopping as the store announced it was closing because of the death.) Bastards.
I don't care if "trampled worker lacked training." You see another human being, trained or not, you don't mow him down and trample him to death for a deal on an ipod. You just don't. I think this is so sad and awful I just keep adding to this post because of it. If they don't prosecute, it will be a travesty. People need to be held accountable. It's manslaughter, New York state govt. Not prosecuting (and I am sure with your video and shopping records, you can, even thought it might be "difficult." Do the work, someone is dead) is like justifying terrible, horrendous behavior. It's like, "oh, don't worry about it, American customer. You are always right. You really are."
http://news.aol.com/article/did-trampled-worker-lack-training/262348

Kiera Knightly, shut your mouth when you're talkin' to me!

Why can't this woman ever close her mouth? Since when do bottom teeth=sexy? Wait! Oh, she's done it! Her mouth is closed!
Oh, wait... She must have been unaware people were looking at her, or something. Yep, there we go, Kiera. There's that all-too-sexy blow-up-doll pout...

Guess what? It doesn't work for me. It's crap, Kiera. Crap. And I can't stand to watch you act because of it. Look, you have even influenced the oh-so-independent, leader-never-follower Sienna Miller. (Just kidding, the girl is wearing leggings. Clearly, the most dreadful cold fish...)

Oh, and Kiera? Methinks it looks like that dress is all wack. That corset-looking part looks like it should be on your, umm, I guess I would call it your chest? Since there isn't much there (and nothing at all against the flat-chested, in fact, I envy you)... We can't tell that the girls are actually up above the corset thing, and it starts to seem like you are perhaps (how do I put this delicately?) drooping. Quite a bit.

The Visitor

If you haven't seen the film "The Visitor," and I'm guessing you haven't, YOU MUST. It is absolutely amazing. Touching, sweet, thought-provoking... Gorgeous man-child actor (above) with brown eyes and luscious lips (so my type!) plays Tarek, who is totally wonderful... But, the film is so far beyond eye-candy. Great relationships, characters, tragedies and triumphs. I loved it. My favorite film of 2008, I think... I'll have to work on devising a list here soon.
It is directed by Tom McCarthy, which makes perfect sense. He also directed one of my all-time faves, "The Station Agent," which is also more than worth a check-out.
Ooo, here is Tarek smiling...

La la love you, don't mean maybe...

Today, I am thankful for...

1. Jim Gaffigan, and his witty stand-up, and the fact that I get to see him next weekend.
"...Thanksgiving, the tradition is: we over-eat. (But we do that everyday!) Well, okay... how 'bout we eat a lot with people who annoy the hell out of us? (He's anti-family...)"
2. My awesome fam. Here are a few of them:
3. My adorable doggies, Jojo (Josephine Bonaparte) and Walter Santa "Little Jerry Seinfeld" Brigman:

4. America. And living here. And my religion, which is a choice I get to make here. And Christ.
5. All my amazing friends (here are a few, there are too many of you to post pics of, it would go for pages and pages)!

6. A shower that now is not only hot, but has enough water pressure to be more than a trickle!

7. Four days off in a row.

8. Pajama pants.

9. Digital cameras.

10. You!

No, no, NO!

What I wanna know, disregarding everything else that is absolutely heinous about this outfit, is who is behind these outfits that make boobs into eyes? Because it's gotta be that same crazy idiot. Certainly there is not more than one designer who thinks this is a good idea. And, this kook is really getting on my last nerve. Although, I guess, if nothing else, at least I'm entertained.

Because you all know how much I like pretending to be someone else...

If you think I have too much time on my hands... You may be right. And here are some cold, hard exhibits of evidence to support your hypothesis:

Me a long time ago. Me as Mariah. I kind of like this hair.

I'm a ballerina. I wish.

So, this one I tried because I am considering dying my hair... What do you think? I kind of like it.

As a kid, I dressed like WW all the dang time. Rad!

Man, I'm pink... More dark hair.

Here's me if I lost a million pounds and chopped my hair. Encouragement for my diet efforts.

Hello! Of course I would try "Vogue!"

A Nicole Kidman Chanel ad. I like the hair! And the twiggy bod!

Girl with a Pearl Earring. And huge features.

The Barbie doll Mac ad. This one makes me want to get my chin done. But I love platinum hair... When I had it that time before, it felt like straw, though. Maybe I should go platinum again.

I love this one! Reminds me of Zoolander! "Mer-man!"

So, guys, you should check out faceinhole.com. But be prepared to waste lots of time!