No Church for Single Men (a depressing post, don't read if you are already sad, and/or watched "The Savages" today)

If you are mo, and are my friend, and read my blog, you probably also have a blog that I read. I have noticed in my blog-reading a strange trend. In your lists of favorite blogs have you ever noticed that it almost always a long list of couples, with a few single girls' names thrown in there? Rarely do you see a single mormon guy's name in the mix. This leads me to believe that either a) even less guys were literate than I previously believed b) they are literate, but are not predisposed to writing, or c) there are way more single mormon girls than guys, especially once you hit 25. This is not some big shock, but it's weird to see it on paper, ahem, computer screen.
I know this is the case, my years of attending singles' wards have certainly proven that. I was in one particular "Gave Up" ward that had 140 regularly attending women and 12, count 'em, 12 guys. I lasted there all of oh, two months. (Yeah, yeah, guys aren't the reason to go to church, but aren't we supposed to be at least attempting to meet someone to possibly, in some future time far, far away, marry?)
Teri, I know what you mean (although, somehow more poignantly than you do) when you say: "where have all the men gone?" http://terithinks.blogspot.com/2008/03/where-have-all-men-gone.html Luckily, you aren't single, girl. Get ready for the sad (though scientifically unprovable) truth.
The other night I did a demonstration for my friend David, consisting of a large handful of imaginary microscopic men (representing single mo men in Dallas, TX-- or any city, really), and as I eliminated them in droves according to some pre-set (and not even very specific) standards, my handful shrank and shrank down until I figured I could just about count on one hand the guys in my specific ward who *seem* to be datable for a girl who just can't seem to settle (ie: me). (Oh, and then comes the elimination round in which they decide they don't want me, but that's a whole different post. Heck, that's a book.)
Kind of like the test Lisa Kudrow's character did on "P.S. I Love You." Here were my qualifications:
(Oh, and first of all, you have to eliminate 99.8% of men in the population who aren't even mormon, at least for this test. Then, half of them don't come to church. Leaving .1% of the population... Rough estimate. Yeah, there is absolutely no scientific backing for that number, I'm just guessing. I'm probably being pretty liberal, actually.) Oh, and some of these can be shuffled a bit, this is just the order I came up with.

1. Are they single? Let's say about 10% of men of marriageable age are single in the church. Once again, liberal (speaking of liberal, be on the look-out for my up-coming Subaru post). So, that's .01%.
   
2. Are they not dating for a reason? Here's hoping that 60% of those single guys are not crazy. Not socially inept to the point of non-communication. Not so committed to their mother that they can never love another. Not fighting polite public levels of decent hygiene. Not secretly or openly addicted to anything less-than-desirable. Not gay (and I love my gay fellas, so don't take that wrong) and therefore are indeed attracted to the women that they are dating. Not running from the law. Not secretly married. Not frequenting strip-joints and dating hookers. =.006%
   
3. Do they have the ability and/or potential to earn an income? I can't speak for all women, but I hope the men I date have the potential to someday support a family. I just do. I'd put that at 50%. So, now I'm at .003%
4. Are they attractive? Everybody is attracted (and attractive) to different people, thank goodness, but I'd say about 5% of the guys that have made it this far would be attractive to whoever this is applying to. That makes my number .00015%
5. Does the personality click? I was going to say "do they have a good personality," or "not obnoxious, unintelligent, no personality, etc" but this is also different for everybody... Let's say you find a guy who hits all those other things on the mark (it's been known to happen) but he either has a bad personality, or say it's even fabulous, but you just don't click. Boo. 5% of people might. Roughly. Generously. I mean "best friends" click. I'm talking about: you have more fun with this person than anyone. The new percentage, and I mean ouch: .000008%

That's what you're working with, girls, on a grotesquely liberal, rough scale: .000008%. How does anyone ever meet anyone? Because on top of my very basic list, you'll throw in things like: "he must have gone on a mission, no matter what," "he must, must be at least 6' tall," "he must play the clarinet," and "he must be a romantic." (And we all have that crazy little list in our heads). Just where're you gonna find that guy?
And don't even get me started about the "Mormon Scale of Attractiveness:"
http://smashgfunk.blogspot.com/2005/10/mormon-scale-of-attractiveness.html
but definitely check it out. I laughed, hard.