Lemon-lime flavored drink

At dinner tonight, the waiter was going around the table refreshing everyones' water glasses. As he began to fill the half-empty glass of the guy directly across the table from me (Jared), I could barely hear Jared's defeated "that was Sprite..."
Guess you had to be there, and see his dejected expression as he looked at his Sprite-water. It was awesome.

'Ode to the Pine-Wood Derby,' and 'Thoughts on Fun New Friends/Lookers'

Whilst watching grown men behave like little boys, I realized that they never do grow up, do they?
Not a bad thing, I thought to myself, to always stay young at heart.
Perhaps next time I will offer to be the girl who throws the flag (think: "Grease").
My friend was disgruntled (okay, so not really) about not being mentioned on my blog, so I would just like to send a "shout out" (oh, no you did-n't) to the tender and sexy Chris (not an easy combo to pull off, but he is delightful, just the right amount of rugged man meets good taste), hereafter Sexy Smart Guy (SSG). [aside: I told you you were going on tonight! My mama didn't raise no liar!] SSG is proving to be a really fabulous friend, i.e. he cheered me up during a woe-is-me moment today in a super-sweet (yet manly) pep-talk. Plus, he looks really good in a tight tee-shirt (I'm only guessing, of course. Remember, he has taste.)
And here's to his roommate Wm.A.H., who does a really good evil eye, and who has fabulous hair always, and who perhaps one day will hear some music in Deep Ellum.
I think these new fellas are 10s and it doesn't hurt that they laugh at all my jokes! BFF!
PS: they live in the really sweet downtown apartment I talked about before. I would totally always sing opera if I lived there. (It echoes.)
PPS: that being said; guys, if you ever want a third roommate who would always serenade you and is willing to sleep on the couch and pay rent by way of outfit advice, pancake breakfasts, and always keeping fresh flowers so the place smells really good, just let me know. I'm your girl. Totally.

Oh Bjork, I love you.

She just seems so pleased with herself. Bet she breaks out tomorrow, though.

TMI

In our society, it seems we are constantly bombarded with TMI: Too Much Information. For example, the top quarter inch of my co-worker's butt-crack today in the break-room; or girls with too-tight tee-shirts, "belly shirts," if you will (not because it is short and shows their belly, but because it is so taught over the belly that their cavernous belly button is clearly visible, "belly-button shirts").
People, some thing just need to be kept under wraps... I think this rule should apply to other situations, too. (i.e., Bill Clinton and Monica, or Lindsay Lohan's dislike of panties.)

HOS

You have heard that description, "hos," no? (Pronounced "has." Maybe that is how it is spelled, too.) Like, "that linebacker is hos," or "she's a bit of a hos" (which is a terrible thing to say, I don't condone that sentence, but am just using it as an example.) No, not "ho," as in, "you'z a ho." Hos, I think it originated from "horse."
Okay, so my friend today was saying someone was a bit hos-ish. Which is still not nice, but tickled me greatly. Like it was part of their make-up. "Yes, he is part Hosish, also English, and I think a little Swedish as well. Maybe some German."

Yummy!

I like my shampoo/conditioner. It's Tigi "Oatmeal and Honey."
Makes my hair smell like a bake sale.

A spoonful of sugar

Today, some co-workers and I were talking about "Mary Poppins." How great is that movie? I have a goal to watch it again soon.
I have the tendency to get that song "I Love to Laugh" stuck in my head. Steve said, for him, it was "Chim-Chimney," and Conchita said she would most likely have "A Spoonful of Sugar" running through her mind. Later, Leslie was singing the praises of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidoches."
It's a universally appealing movie, I think. Every person has a different favorite song. How can you go wrong? Well, you can't.
I have strong feelings about "Feed the Birds" as well. Even as a kid, I would always cry seeing that poor old lady sitting there all alone, except for the birds. Sigh.
I really like to do impersonations, and I think my Mary Poppins is stellar. Maybe that's what I can do in my stand-up act, impersonate different singers. I do a killer Tina Turner ("Private Dancer") and Cher ("If I could Turn Back Ta-aom.")
Anywho, let's all give it up for "Mary Poppins," practically perfect in every way.

And, oh my gosh, while searching for a pic for this post, I found this crazy trailer. People are genius, and have way too much time on their hands. Check it out. I loved it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T5_0AGdFic

Dan in Real Life

This movie rocks! I laughed, I cried (well, got a little misty), I loved Steve Carell and was sufficiently disgusted by Dane Cook.
Oh, and the soundtrack is the best thing since sliced bread.

NOT memorable?

So, I was at Blockbuster today, where I had a really long conversation with this employee about movies, trying to get his advice. I got a set (of those 4 for $20 pre-viewed movies) but then later decided I should have gotten just two of the 2 for $20 ones, because they were movies I liked a lot more, and sometimes I am sucked in by really good deals, like the 4 for $20.
So, I went back, literally a couple of hours later, to see if I could swap them. The girl, of course, was like, "I'll have to ask my manager." And, the manager turns out to be the same guy I talked to earlier.
Now, what perturbs me about this situation is not that he said "no." What is the bigger bee in my a** is that when he came over, before I explained the situation, I was like, "Oh, hi! Remember me? I was here earlier," and he was like (in a very monotone, uninterested way), "no, not really."
Huh? But, we just had a 10 minute conversation a few hours ago. I happen to know I'm cute. And you should remember me. You're like, totally bored all day (and not attractive), and then this really bubbly, well-dressed blonde comes in and has an actual intelligent conversation with you, and you can't remember her?
Whatev.

I'm allergic to you.

So, Candice and I were talking about allergies today, and she mentioned that Coco Chanel is hypo-allergenic.
A hypo-allergenic DOG?! I just think that totally rocks, and is hilarious! Who would ever think such a thing existed as that?
I know that earrings come as hypo-allergenic, but a dog? I'm sorry, I just can't stop saying it.
I love it!
So, that's one thing to cross off on your list of things to avoid: Coco.

PS: Georgia came in, and was all, "Oh, yeah, I know. So are Labradoodles (sp?)." I guess this is common knowledge. I guess I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Boo.

"Lucky Number Slevin"

Perhaps behind the times, I finally watched "Lucky Number Slevin" today.
If you haven't seen it, and don't mind some gore, you MUST see this movie! Oh, man, I loved it! Even Josh Hartnett was bearable in it (which is saying a freaking lot)!
It's great when the evil masterminds are out evil-masterminded.
I love twisty-turny movies like that... "Match Point" is another one that I have enjoyed recently. My family thought it was way too long and drawn-out, but I think the last 20 minutes are so much better because of the slow, deliberate building up of plot and character.
Ahh, movies! Good for the soul.

Can't hardly wait...

Oh, SATC movie! I cannot wait for your arrival! Pat Field, I believe, is slightly off her rocker, and I am anxiously anticipating a movie filled with flower-pins that double as travel pillows!!!!

Movin' on up, to the East side!

So, i COVET my friends' downtown apartment! I saw it for the first time last night, and it is fabulous!
I think urban living may be for me... They have sweet concrete floors, tons of echo-y space, and views that are (while perhaps vertigo-inducing) awesome.
Plus, as Linds pointed out, it was cool to step outside their building and just have tall buildings all around.
So, if I have to move to NYC, I guess it won't hurt my feelings too much! (Of course, there, I may be less in a cool old building with sweet apartments, and more in a cardboard box-- I don't know how people afford NYC!)

P-A-R-T-why? 'Cause we got to

I just re-watched my favorite youtube video EVER. SO funny! Check it out:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Nt2OVAgkHBc

(Warning: does contain one really offensive word, but I still love it.)

My version of Heaven

I was thinking about the slow-mo "Brother!" in IASIP last night, and I think that it would really be ultra-useful in life if we could apply the video-editing software I used eight hours a day at college to our normal lives.
How great would it be if we could slow-mo certain moments (a first kiss; a fist fight [for effect]; enjoying a coca-cola classic; seeing some hot guy take off his shirt, sweaty and hot after a hard workout), fast forward some (relief society, work, getting ready to go out, bowling), and rewind others (wrinkles increasing; sudden, inexplicable fluff around the mid-section; verbal diarrhea)? Not to mention color-correction (don't look good in mustard-yellow, but found an adorable jacket in it? No problem, suddenly, you've got a lovely olive complexion!).
I think this would make life so fun. But since we can't have it here, I think that will be part of my heaven. Other parts include: the puppies can talk, and have cute, caricature-like voices and natural wit; we can watch movies of our lives, and all the funniest parts are bookmarked; everybody spontaneously bursts into song and dance (and we know all the words and dance like Travolta); and I am finally a size 6.
Heaven!

Holy stupid idea, Batman!

Apparently, Nike is coming out with a line of dressy sneakers. First of all, let us all take a moment to let our brains process that oxy-moron. Because where I'm from, dressy:sneaker::smart:Paris Hilton.
Okay, so yeah. Wait til you hear the slogan... Dun, dun, dun: "Looks like a sneaker, feels like a pump."
Wha...? Dude, if my shoes don't look like sexy, rockin', painful, gorgeous pumps; I sure don't want them to feel like 'em. Ain't no sneaker in the world that is cute enough for that. If I have stooped to wearing sneakers (i.e. at the gym, or in my house, or at work until I get a job where I can sit [never out in public on purpose. 'Fashion over comfort,' biotches!]) you had better believe it is because my poor feet are bleeding and/or black and blue from some beautiful BCBG contraption I wore earlier. I have no use for dressy sneakers. Put on a darn pump if you want a dressy shoe that feels like a pump.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I love this show... Last night there was this scene where a guy was hanging off a building, and his brother grabbed his hand (after a dramatic moment in slow-mo yelling "brother!"), to keep him from falling. Danny Devito's character comes over and starts pushing the guy down, by pushing his face with a 2x4! It was comedic genius. Well, the guy falls, but you find out the building is totally short. He lands on his feet, and they show a shot of him looking up at the people on top of the building, only about 6 feet below them. He's like, "I think I bruised my heels."
Oh, my gosh, I was laughing so hard (still am, because of the wonders of memory.)
You MUST watch IASIP if you get the chance. Crude, yes. Ridiculous, yes. Amazing, heck yes.

Texting, friend or foe?

Texting is by far the lowest form of communication. I thought email had done it, but then texting burst on the scene like a drag-queen all gussied up in silver sequins and red taffeta (not that there's anything wrong with that).
I think, nay, I know that texting can ruin a relationship/friendship, or at least cause very great damage. I was mad at my friend Brent for a couple of months because of his proclivity for using the phrase "LOL." Which, by the way, should not be used as a way to say any jerky thing you want and then just laugh it off, like this, "you're so fat and ugly, lol!" (But that is exactly how people use it. Down with "lol!")
I have a friend whose relationship was hanging in the balance because of non-received texts. She actually decided to be less available to her own boyfriend because of this quasi-communication.
Not to mention that the facial expressions/tone of voice are completely lost in texting (and email, although you typically have more space and time to express your meaning with email). What someone means to be a joke can be totally mis-construed, and serious statements taken as breezy. No bueno.
However, sometimes texting is like the warm, fuzzy blanket of communication. It takes very little effort, the stakes in being rejected are lots lower (not only do you not have to audibly hear them say, "no, for the last time, I will not go out with you! Leave me alone!" But also, there is always that "hmm... I doubt he is ignoring me, he must just not have gotten my text" lingering in the back of hopeful/pathetic minds everywhere), and it's free (thanks to unlimited texting plans everywhere).
I have become a texting monster myself. It saddens me that, at such a young age, I am being driven to set my standards of conversation so low. It can only get worse from here. I submit that eventually, we will have absolutely no verbal communication whatsoever. Which sucks, because I love to hear myself talk. And you.

"Verb" usage, and the consequences thereof.

Okay, people, let's just get one thing strait:
"Party" is not a verb. "Summer" can be used as a verb (i.e. "I am summering in the Hampshires." [I wish.]) As can "holiday." ("I am holidaying in Greece," [lucky!] "with George Clooney." [why does my life suck?]) But "party?" No. Nil. Nine.
Unless you are white trash, you should never use a sentence like, "I partied so hard last night," or "We're gonna be partying all night long."
Ick, may as well just wear a tee-shirt that says "skank." And, in this circumstance, I will not be likely to point at my imaginary "I doubt it" tee, but rather will nod my head in sullen agreement.

I HEART

• big butts, and I cannot lie
  
• 1.5 hour job interviews
• a good full beard/mustache combo (very brooding and mysterious)
• Old Navy $5 graphic tees
• "The Office" (amen, Candice, Dwight Shrute is delightful!)
• looking around and realizing you are the most attractive person in a room (or I am, anyway! Don't fret, you're second!)
• Diet Dr. Pepper (it really is more like regular!)
  
• "Mad World" by R.E.M.
• downtown Dallas (and not getting lost in it, for once)
• my newly cleaned bedroom
• nachos
• my "sci-fi convention shoes" (or "gum-wrapper shoes," whatever floats your boat. [Is that a sexual reference, by the way? Seems like it.])
• my new zit (not!)
• an organized closet
• price adjustments
• a bubble bath (near in my future)
• people who blink too much, and too hard when they do it
• "Ghost World" ("This is obviously an original 1977 punk-rock look.")
• knowing that my days at my job may be numbered
• that my friend's little brother randomly said "boobs!" in the middle of dinner
• having acronymic nicknames for all my male interests
• GEC (George Clooney is an actual interest. Hey, it might happen!)
• my friend Cody's bulletin on myspace of all the best t.v. show theme songs of all time, including video ("...the facts of life are all about you.... woo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo")
  

I love the internet, and I can prove it (Part 2)

Samantha: You've gotta get online...
Charlotte: Yeah, you can SHOP online!
Carrie: Oh, no, no, no, shopping is my CARDIO.

-SATC

Diary of my mini-break, day 3

I bought some cute business-y interview clothes!
My outfit today was fabulous!
All is right with the world.

(Aside from the fact that I discovered that they are not playing "Gilmore Girls" at 10 am anymore... They have replaced it with some dumb show called "Wildfire" starring some girl with a uni-brow. Thumbs down.)

Diary of my mini-break, day 2 (Everything's coming up roses!)

I had a super-promising job interview today (I am interviewing with "the partners" on Wednesday.) The one complaint I have is that I only got five hours of sleep last night stressing about it. It's okay, tomorrow I can sleep in. Yay! At least until 'Gilmore Girls' and 'What Not to Wear' come on. Can't miss Rory, Lorelai, and my favorite fake boyfriend, Clinton Kelly.
I did about seven loads of laundry today, so now I have clothes again.
So, have y'all ever heard of 'sex blotches?' Some of you already know that when I am talking to a cute guy, I get all red and blotchy. Super attractive. I have a sneaking suspicion that these 'sex blotches' may act as a sort of pheromone, or super-sized magnet, for men. Just kidding, they're hideous. Anyway, that is really what they are called, and people get them for different reasons, like speaking in public. I get them around cute guys (and also when I'm nervous, upset, and sometimes just around 8 pm for no explicable reason).
"Umm... Maigen, is that a horrible break-out rash of poison oak, or are you just happy to see me?"

Rock the vote!

Okay, so the overwhelming majority of my 9 votes (Kerry, twinners!) was that I should be a stand-up comedian. Thanks, guys, and I look forward to funnying-up the stages in my near future. I actually felt like I was doing stand-up tonight at f.h.e. Already on my way!

Bad Ad

There's this Bow-flex commercial that says, and I quote (and this is the entire statement, it is not attached to anything else, nor has it been shortened), "when they say you can work out three times a week, 20 minutes a day, they mean exactly that."
Yeah?
Huh?
Am I crazy, or did they just tell me I can work out three times a week, twenty minutes a day? Tell me something I don't know. I CAN do that, but they didn't promise any result. So what? I'll still be just as fluffy? I'll decide I like Nicolas Cage's acting after all? I'll grow wings? I'll meet Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now? I'll be magically transported to George Clooney's sofa, resulting in a co-dependent relationship, a love-child, and a Hollywood wedding? (Which, by the way, is the preferable outcome.)
Also, it has nothing to do with their product.
I wish businesses would take two seconds to look at their crappy advertising before burdening the public with mind-numbing ("mind-bottling") ad campaigns. I think that commercial actually made me dumber. More dumb.

I can't sleep...

So, here I am again. I have a job interview in the morning, and I think my nerves must be what are keeping me wide awake.
After our recent "Elizabeth" watching, I remembered some quiz I took online once that said the celebrity my personality was most like was Cate Blanchett. Totally flattering, right? I guess she's really witty, smart, charismatic, (humble) etc.
That started me thinking about how people are always telling you what celebrity you look like. Do they do that to you? Even today, my mom was saying I looked like Reese Witherspoon (though Leslie says I look more like her daughter.)

Here are a few of the interesting observations people have made in the past:
I have been compared to (or, rather, been told I have similar styles to):
Audrey Hepburn, gee, I wish.
Marilyn Monroe, probably just because we are both blonde and curvy.
Gwen Stefani, sweet.
I have been told I look like (and I am sure they would apply more if I were less fluffy, and a little more waif-like):
Reese W (and daughter), okay, I can see that.
Portia DeRossi, thanks, I wish.
Zoe Dreshinel (sp?), yeah, I think so a little, and I think we have similar personalities.
The Australian girl from "Lost," maybe a little, and I wish I looked a lot more like her.
Cameron Diaz, another 'I wish.'
Kate Winslet, thanks, she's gorgeous. I don't see a resemblance, but, hey, I'll take it!
Kim Basinger, what?
Betty Boop, oh yeah!
Miss Piggy, my "best friend" in 8th grade said it. Hurt my feelings then, but now, I like it. I mean, check her out!

I just think it is interesting. I know I have had a few others, really obscure, strange ones. Most of these are repeats, so I can remember them easily. I would like to know who all of you have been compared to. Sometimes I think they are just so off-the-wall! If you have some good/true/weird/funny ones, post them as a comment.
Also, you have to be careful telling people who they look like. If they do not like the person, they will be totally offended. I told a guy once that he looked like Billy Bob Thornton (who I think is totally handsome) and I think it rocked his world, in a bad way. People used to tell my mom she looked like Hillary Clinton (they had similar hair-styles), and she would just about punch them in the nose. You tell her she's a 'whitey Halle Berry,' or call her 'Angelina,' and she's much more agreeable... Just don't mention her resemblance to Jennifer Aniston. Apparently Jennifer's ugly, and has a horrible chin.

sorta-hat

What's the deal with visors? 'I want to wear a baseball cap, but I'm not committed to a whole hat... hmmm... I'll just cut the top off.'
Georgia says that a hat will make your head hot, since you release heat through your head, and Joe chimed in that "your head is your chimney."
If you are that worried that a hat is going to heat you up that much, maybe go hat-less. Don't half-hat it. Thanks.

Diary of my mini-break, day 1

I have today, tomorrow, and Tuesday off!! Yay, no work, just fun and carefree-ness for as far as the eye can see.
My sister and I claim our royal blood is the cause behind our extraordinary distaste for work. I like doing creative things, volunteering for charitable causes, and living a life of leisure and sport (not traditional sport like basketball, mind you, but like yoga, tennis and the elliptical machine). I realize, of course, that I will have to meet and marry my benevolent millionaire or win the lottery in order to live my life to its full potential in that right.
So far my mini-break from work has been delightful.
Last night I watched "Elizabeth" with Candice, Linds, and Kerry (a.k.a. "Barbie, Barbie, and Skipper [BB&S]") and it was fabulous. Cate Blanchett is a brilliant actress and I covet her fair skin.
We also had some lovely gelato at Paciugo's.
Today, I went to church and wore a pretty dress, . Afterwards I ate a healthy ;) lunch with Leslie.
Now I am heading to Mom and Bob's to watch movies and play with Walter Santa "Little Jerry Seinfeld" and Jojo (Josephine Bonaparte), the puppies. They are too cute! Hopefully they will be in cuddly moods.
I will fill you in on all my adventures (fun, interesting, and mundane) for the next three days. I know, you can hardly contain your excitement, eh?

Mister Scientist Man

I met a cute new guy this week. He's a scientist. Molecular biologist, actually.
I am glad I am so nerdy and know so much about biology (though I am a MICRO-biology girl, not MOLECULAR). Hopefully I will be able to communicate with this guy, nerd to nerd.
So wish me luck that I will be able to remember what I know about things like Ebola, mRNA, the Golgi Apparatus, et al.
As an aside, he can experiment on me anytime;)
Couldn't resist.

Scolded, like a little baby.

I got scolded yesterday at work. By some lady. I was doing her a favor, and asked for her drivers licence, please.
"Sure, but I'd prefer it if you asked for my 'photo i.d.,' since I'm not driving, you aren't a cop, and I'm not being pulled over," she said snootily. And she was totally serious.
Now, I realize I am in a customer service job (excuse me, momentarily, while I throw up), but I am almost 30, have a college degree, and DO NOT need any help forming an em-effing sentence, thank you very much, YOU OLD HAG.
I am not your child, alien customers. Really, must you get upset about completely idiotic, irrelevant things? Also, I have tried 'photo i.d.' before, but (gasp!) the general public is too stupid to wrap their brains around what that means, and 85% of the time, I STILL have to explain 'for example: your drivers licence, or state i.d..' Just trying to skip a step here, people.
Help ME help YOU. By not being jerk-faces.

My favorite lyric, maybe ever

"I know the last page so well, I can't read the first. So, I just don't start. It's getting worse."
So true.
-"Inside of Love" (Not sure who sings it)

I am so smart, s-m-r-t!

So, obviously I finally messed around with this thing long enough to figure out how to post pics. Yay! I am sure I will now be able to enrich your lives EVEN MORE!!

Ta-dah!

I know all of you have been holding your breath to see my new hair-do. Sassy, no? Watch out, TGW et al. (I realize I take an inordinate number of photos of myself. It's a curse being this cute. Sometimes it feels like a full-time job.)

Crime against fashion

I did it. I wore a dress with jeans. Scorn me if you must.

Seinfreakin-awesome

"A George, divided against itself, cannot stand."
-George Costanza

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

Prithee, mistress, wilt thou not remove thine isotoners for religious services in mid-summer?
The unfortunate pairing of thine isotoners with thine floor-skimming velvet frock, puffy shirt and doublet causest thou to appear mad, and perhaps on thy way to the renaissance fair to shout "Hoorah!" with thine old-fashioned counterparts at the jousting event, or perhaps an ill-fated be-heading.
Though the tukey-legs had at Medieval Times may be delicious, methinks thou may be taking this fashion too far, as it is nigh 2008.

Who I love:

Jim Gaffigan. I love him.
"At least I'm an orange."
Look him up, he's hilarious. Best stand-up comedian ever, aside from me.
Will you marry me, Jim?
Love, Maigen

I have a cute new dress, la la la!

I got a swingy black Michael Kors number today that I can barely wait for fall to wear! Hurry up, cold weather!!!

TGW no bueno

So, yesterday I had what was close enough to be considered a conversation with Tall Glass of Water.
I have a suspicion that he very well may be a first-class idiot.
Darn it. Back to the drawing board.

ADDENDUM to "I love the internet, and I can prove it..."

Bob,
Perhaps the one saving grace of "e-vites" IS the lack of photo of the couple "showcasing the ring." I DON'T care what they look like, no. I hate those photos in wedding announcements. Big time.
If I include a photo, by the way, as a sort of ironic statement, it will be a close photo of just my lucky fiance's face, with my left hand covering his mouth. That way, everyone will get to see the ring, and everyone will be happy.

I clean up good...

I think I will attract more fellas now that I feel cute again. A haircut can make all the difference in how you feel about yourself. I'm not even AS worried about my two new cousins that are growing on my face as I normally would be.
PS: Why zits NOW? Why not in high school like all the other kids? What am I, some kind of 29, umm, 25-year-old FREAK?

"I love the internet, and I can prove it..."

As great as the internet is; with email, shopping, and my new favorite, blogging; I think there is a limit of decorum that is definitely crossed with the advent of the "e-vite*."
When you care so little about your wedding guests that you can't be bothered to drop a card in the mail by way of invitation, then maybe they should politely "e-decline."
I have heard about not one, but TWO occurances of wedding "e-vites" in the past week. Granted, these were both mormon couples (big freaking surprise), but even so, it is a new level of absurdity.
I swear, here and now, that if I ever receive an "e-vite" wedding announcement, I will refuse to attend. Even if it is from my best friend (although any person close to me in any way, shape, or form is certain to have more taste in their little finger than someone who would condescend to send an "e-vite " has in their entire body. I would venture to say that such people have not even a stitch of taste. Nor a trifle.)

*evite (for those of you fortunate enough not to know):
a bulk, mass invitation sent out by way of email, with a guest list included, and the responses of said guests usually visible. Not too offensive if the event is, say, a Halloween party. Mortifying for weddings. Even weddings held in the "cultural hall." Ahem. Gym.

Judo, chop!

So, I cut my hair! Finally. It is short, real bangy, and mostly fabulous. So excited. Goes with my new outlook, my new availability for dates, and my future new job!
No longer a sad nod to shapeless coifs everywhere, now my hair is more of a bouncy bob.
And can I just say I am glad not to have to join the ranks of evil-doers everywhere, or at least in movies? I look much less likely to steal your soul now. Yay!

3:10 To Yu-mama

Fantastic movie. Russell Crowe was the least annoying he's ever been (a quite loveable bad guy), there's a sweet little doctor, and also a man who looks like a woman with a beard (Russell Crowe's sidekick).
Christian Bale looked a little rough, which I know he was supposed to, but I was hoping for a few more "mmmm, baby..." moments.
The story was good; the ending was good; and aside from a few times I had to cover my eyes, the violence was fun, in a "shoot-em-up" kinda way. Plus, there's a great scene with a fork and a guy who my friend pointed out looked like a, well, a, a-hem, male reproductive organ.

A new sitcom: "Maigen"

So, if I were to create a sitcom, call it "Maigen," and star in it, y'all would watch, right?
Because I'm totally doing it. I don't want to give away the surprise, so you will have to wait to hear the premise until I get Larry David on board, but, basically, you will laugh until you burst. That is a promise.

Miss South Carolina... A great USAmerican

Oh, my gosh. Have you seen the YouTube vids of this girl? Here's a particularly awesome SONG version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAk4w__FgMU
Go here and you will find happiness and elation and such as.

"But THIS is an OUTFIT..."

I love, love, LOVE that episode of "Sex and the City" where Carrie has to take off her Manolos at the front door of a party and then somebody steals them.
I hate when people make you take off your shoes at their house. It is so rude. As much time as I spent perfecting my outfit, you'd better believe I am going to be a little more than perturbed at having to remove them to spare the berber. And don't even get me started about how I feel about wall-to-wall carpet. Ick!
Now, I doubt anyone is going to go out of their way to steal my measly Charles Davids, but I literally get nervous at the whole "taking-off-the-shoes" juncture because of this episode. You know when you look at that pile of ugly shoes that you very well may be leaving in Crocs.
The other brilliant thing is when Carrie registers at Manolo Blahnik, something I have considered as well. I would love to register for Christmas or my birthday. Hey, just because I'm not getting married doesn't mean I don't deserve fabulous gifts. I may never get married. Than what? I will have been totally robbed of the orgy of greed that is gift registry.
"Yes," I will say as I pass out my little registry cards, "I am registered at Saks Fifth Avenue, ZGallerie AND Target. That way you have options."

I am like a bird, I'll only fly away

So, it's all over between me and GMB. Yay! No longer a "mistress" (using the term very loosley, more like, 'no longer a verbal distraction'), I can concentrate all my energy on meeting guys worth actually dating, starting with a particular "tall glass of water (TGW)" from church, who might be a smidge too young for me. Good thing being a 'old cougar' is totally in right now.
I am very optimistic that perhaps this one is perfect, if for no other reason that he might be (as informed by certain close friends) "desperate," and "depressed."
Hey, not going to trick or manipulate the little guy, but these things might just tip the scales a tiny bit in my favor. He should BE so lucky.
A reflection on GMB: big mistake. Wasted a bunch of time talking to someone I knew wasn't going to ever be my boyfriend. And, even though I have feelings for him, I know I don't want him to be my boyfriend. So, all around a great move, detaching ourselves. Also, was not putting full effort into new guys, because I had something (something LAME and UNPROMISING) to fall back on all the time. He, and I, will both be better off.
Who wants to be in a 'not-relationship,' anyway? I think I want an actual one. Yeah. Pretty sure. If not with TGW, than perhaps with George Clooney.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Okay, first of all, who knew Jack Nicholson used to be such a dish? He's hunky.
I have seen this movie in the past, and despite my general dislike for old movies, I love it! I am just re-watching it on a weekend night when most of my friends are out-of-town, and I have very little to do. I remind myself of Bridget Jones tonight. Later, I'm going to sing along with Celine Dion in flannel pajamas.
But, I'm glad I caught it. Totally recommend it. Cute Jack, great story (read the book, too!), and it's not am em-effing chick flick. I watched "Love Actually" earlier and then cried for a good long while in the bathtub. Chick flicks are only good for people who are in love. If you are having trouble meeting anyone you even want to DATE, do not watch them. Not good for the morale.
You can tell by my previous post.

To GMB:

"I feel like a ghost who's trying to move your hands over some ouija board in the hopes I can spell out my name."
-Aimee Mann

Super-size me, or at least my soda, please.

So, if you read my lists over there, you will see that one of my "guilty pleasures" is cheeseburgers. Especially at certain, particularly hormonal times of the month.
And anytime I cave, and actually eat one of these heart-healthy little numbers (read: today), I usually get an equally healthy drink to accompany it. I feel that the chemicals in the soda are a nice compliment to the fake-beef burger. A parallel of heart attack and cancer, slightly curving until they converge in a tasty deadly lunch. So, I don't do it often, but when I do, I notice a trend. Is it just me, or are soft-drinks getting bigger at fast-food places?
I order a medium coca-cola classic. I mean, yum. Coke is probably my biggest achilles heel as far as junk food goes. Really, it's not only delicious and ice-cold, it's refreshing!
Ah-hem... Ok, so, "... and a medium coke, please," "that will be 4.81. Please come to the second window..." Doo, doo, doo, driving around. Opening window. Blinking eyes in surprise (every time, I guess it shouldn't surprise me so much anymore). Reaching both hands out of window to take what appears to be a silo full of the nectar of the gods. Um, hello? MEDIUM? No way that's fitting in the drink-holder. Let me just situate this thing in its car-seat. This time I was prepared.

Caught, red-handed!

So, of late I have been a little careless when taking pics on my phone of random fashion mistakes... Umm... Let's back up for a minute. You may need an explanation.
I take pictures on my phone of people I see walking around smugly snubbing fashion rules, typically unaware that they are causing bile to rise into on-lookers throats. They do not know that they are going to be forever immortalized as "do-not's" in my cell phone photo album. And, gosh, if I could only upload those babies here, we could all share a nice wicked giggle.
But, lately I seem to be losing some of my nonchalance. Or something.

Case #1: The man and his thigh-hair.
My friends and I were at a movie a couple of weeks ago when I spotted a man wearing inordinately, unnervingly, unnecessarily, short shorts. I saw WAY too much of his legs. I mean, way. So, I feigned an interest in grabbing something at the snack bar, getting in line right behind him (hoping one of my friends would actually buy something.) Now, you might forecast that my problem was the volume of the "click" when I took the photo, while standing right behind him. You would be mistaken. I have perfected, somewhat, the art of silencing my phone, turning off the flash, etc, so as to have as seamless a Kodak moment as possible.
I took my pic and was pretty pleased with the result. My friend and I, quite proud of ourselves and the little trick, walked away, leaving the guys in our group to get goodies, while we laughed our way into the theater. Not really whispering about his legs, shorts, and the possibility that his man-bits might be visible at any moment; we were checking out the picture in my phone when my friend casually looked back towards the snack bar to catch one last in-the-flesh look. But the man was right behind us! He may or may not have heard, but I am inclined to think he probably did, as close as he was. (...And as good as his hearing must be. Often, when one sense is not as good as it should be, i.e. his sight [obviously], others are strengthened, i.e. his hearing.)

Case #2: A denim fiasco.
While relaxing in the break-room at work the other day, my eyes wandered around the room, and my serenity was jarred away when I laid eyes on a co-worker's high-elastic-waisted, acid-washed, stretch jeans. I do not actually know who was wearing them , I could not look away from the jeans to check the face. It was like the morbid curiosity one experiences when passing a bad car accident, just can't look away. I have an inkling of who it may have been, but can not be sure.
Anyway, in my fumbling around to, yes, silence my phone (this is a very important step), adjust the phone to a position to take the pic (which I now realize was a very unnatural, obvious position), and take the pic (which turned out awful), the girl had walked away from her locker and was making her way out of the breakroom. That's right-- she had to walk right behind me. Now, I, for some reason, just could not figure out how to get the phone out of camera mode (because I realized I might be getting caught), didn't think to just close it (flip-phones can be useful when in the hands of a not-totally-clueless person-in-a-fit-of-panic), and so was just sitting there with the phone in picture mode while she walked behind me. Who knows if she looked at it? I didn't dare turn around.
So, instead I took what, had she looked at my phone, would appear to be a body-shot of this circa 350 lb guy who was standing in the area I had so awkwardly adjusted my phone towards. Great, she either saw the pic of herself, and thinks I love her (which, come on, if it was who I think it was, she is totally annoying, and is like the LAST PERSON I would turn gay for, especially in THOSE jeans), or she thinks I love that fluffy boy. Whatev. As far as I know, at this point, there is no official fashion harrassment code in place at work.

The moral of the story is, don't wear bad outfits in public, you never know who will take a pic to enjoy for years to come. Oh, and if you're the one taking pictures, be careful out there. They're getting wily.

What's the deal with...

Why is it that real-estate agents always seem to wear ill-fitting suits? I saw this ad with a lady in this terrible pant-suit with PLEATS in front! She looked like she had haunches. Not unlike a small forest creature, a squirrel, perhaps.
Suits in general irk me. I had to buy a suit jacket for interviews. I hate it! It's too long, and has these disgusting flap-pockets on the front of my hips. Who decided that this affront to the female form was to be the professional uniform? No, thank you.
Oh, and all the fun ones are "too wild" for job interviews. I have no intention of ever wearing that jacket for anything else in this life. It sickens me to spend all that money, hey, even had it been only $10, on something I loathe to the very core of my soul.
It's the same principle I would apply to buying, say, a Jessica Simpson music c.d., or a movie starring Ben Affleck. DON'T DO IT!!