So, of late I have been a little careless when taking pics on my phone of random fashion mistakes... Umm... Let's back up for a minute. You may need an explanation.
I take pictures on my phone of people I see walking around smugly snubbing fashion rules, typically unaware that they are causing bile to rise into on-lookers throats. They do not know that they are going to be forever immortalized as "do-not's" in my cell phone photo album. And, gosh, if I could only upload those babies here, we could all share a nice wicked giggle.
But, lately I seem to be losing some of my nonchalance. Or something.
Case #1: The man and his thigh-hair.
My friends and I were at a movie a couple of weeks ago when I spotted a man wearing inordinately, unnervingly, unnecessarily, short shorts. I saw WAY too much of his legs. I mean, way. So, I feigned an interest in grabbing something at the snack bar, getting in line right behind him (hoping one of my friends would actually buy something.) Now, you might forecast that my problem was the volume of the "click" when I took the photo, while standing right behind him. You would be mistaken. I have perfected, somewhat, the art of silencing my phone, turning off the flash, etc, so as to have as seamless a Kodak moment as possible.
I took my pic and was pretty pleased with the result. My friend and I, quite proud of ourselves and the little trick, walked away, leaving the guys in our group to get goodies, while we laughed our way into the theater. Not really whispering about his legs, shorts, and the possibility that his man-bits might be visible at any moment; we were checking out the picture in my phone when my friend casually looked back towards the snack bar to catch one last in-the-flesh look. But the man was right behind us! He may or may not have heard, but I am inclined to think he probably did, as close as he was. (...And as good as his hearing must be. Often, when one sense is not as good as it should be, i.e. his sight [obviously], others are strengthened, i.e. his hearing.)
Case #2: A denim fiasco.
While relaxing in the break-room at work the other day, my eyes wandered around the room, and my serenity was jarred away when I laid eyes on a co-worker's high-elastic-waisted, acid-washed, stretch jeans. I do not actually know who was wearing them , I could not look away from the jeans to check the face. It was like the morbid curiosity one experiences when passing a bad car accident, just can't look away. I have an inkling of who it may have been, but can not be sure.
Anyway, in my fumbling around to, yes, silence my phone (this is a very important step), adjust the phone to a position to take the pic (which I now realize was a very unnatural, obvious position), and take the pic (which turned out awful), the girl had walked away from her locker and was making her way out of the breakroom. That's right-- she had to walk right behind me. Now, I, for some reason, just could not figure out how to get the phone out of camera mode (because I realized I might be getting caught), didn't think to just close it (flip-phones can be useful when in the hands of a not-totally-clueless person-in-a-fit-of-panic), and so was just sitting there with the phone in picture mode while she walked behind me. Who knows if she looked at it? I didn't dare turn around.
So, instead I took what, had she looked at my phone, would appear to be a body-shot of this circa 350 lb guy who was standing in the area I had so awkwardly adjusted my phone towards. Great, she either saw the pic of herself, and thinks I love her (which, come on, if it was who I think it was, she is totally annoying, and is like the LAST PERSON I would turn gay for, especially in THOSE jeans), or she thinks I love that fluffy boy. Whatev. As far as I know, at this point, there is no official fashion harrassment code in place at work.
The moral of the story is, don't wear bad outfits in public, you never know who will take a pic to enjoy for years to come. Oh, and if you're the one taking pictures, be careful out there. They're getting wily.
No comments:
Post a Comment